Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Determined]

If you are so lost in a some else's spiral and which causes your own spiral and don't know how to ask for help what then?

Guys have a hard time admitting they need help, and when they do admit to themselves cannot find a way to ask. 
Maybe not the correct topic for this but still how do we ask?

[Determined]

Hi @Lokison hope you don't mind but I started a new discussion over here as it can be a big topic...

It certinally has been a challenge for me over time.

@Faith-and-Hope@Adge @Wanderer

[Determined]

As @Faith-and-Hope  mentioned, often the best place to start is with your GP.

Depending on circumstances you should be able to get  a mental health plan to see a psychologist.

If the first psychologist does not work out don't be afraid to ask for a new referral.

The first guy I saw was was a waste of fresh air so I stopped going and refused to see anyone else until after a complete burnout. Kind of regret that now....

[Determined]

Do you have any peer supports around you? Here is a great start but some real life support is also essential. Another error of mine was to cover up our challenges and try and support alone.... that is not sustainable. Even juat someone dependable to check in and ask RUOK makes a big difference. The ability to say actually no I'm not without the need to go into detail can sometimes take a big load off. 

[Wanderer]

Hello @Determined@Faith-and-Hope @Adge 

Hello@Lokison

Am around, checking in occasionally.

There are a lot of tough miles on the forum and people who understand the battles through shared experience.

It takes a lot to find the right balance of help, and at the moment I am going through it all again since our move.

Is very frustrating and disheartening, but when the right person comes along, it makes a big difference.

Both my daughter and I have C-PTSD

I also have CRPS

I see my problems and emotions as a new landscape, in a new life, that I am learning to live with, or conquer if possible. Definitely harder if you are carrying another's problems as well.

[Lokison]

Yup mine was a time waster... because I’m on vet affairs card he just kept stringing me along for months and not getting anywhere...

[Lokison]

I have more than enough of my own demons. I have PTSD from active service, MDD and anxiety.
My daughter has PTSD from physical bullying at school, since COVID hit she has developed OCD anxiety, MDD and is now being assessed for Bipolar disorder.
I am the shield for the rest of the family, I am unable to work due to a spinal injury years ago. My wife works full time and is an awesome provider! She works long hours as she is in an executive position in her firm. But, I shield and take care of our daughter. We have two other children who rightly feel like they are being forgotten... which they are not. I am tired, I could sleep for a month and still be tired.
Mentally, emotionally and physically I have reached my exhaustion point. I love my daughter with all my heart but some days, more and more recently, I just wish I didn’t have to do another day of her.
Am I a bad parent? I feel like a failure as a parent every time I wish I was in another country as far away from her as possible.
Gods I feel... overwhelmed. That doesn’t even come close really, but it will do. Overwhelmed.

[Jynx]

@Lokison having that thought does not make you a bad parent. It is not our thoughts that make us who we are, it's how we respond to them. And if your first instinct is to feel revulsion at the very notion that this thought crossed your mind, then that is who you are. Someone who is tired, fed up, overworked, overwhelmed, but still would never want to do anything to harm your child. Extreme feelings lead to extreme thoughts, but what we choose to do with those thoughts is what's most important. Really brave of you to share that here. 

[Swanniecat]

It sounds like you are a great parent you support your children and your daughter with complex needs. I think any parent under this amount of pressure feels this way. You are doing a great job and your kids are lucky to have a father in their life who cares for them. It's so exhausting looking after our children with complex illnesses especially if you have your own to deal with. 

[Lokison]

Have her at clinic now. We have just found out her OCD specialist will be a male, instantly triggered. No rhyme or reason now it's she can't be treated by a male... no trauma no abuse, just decided!

Gods help me another road block. I am so confused, she asks for the help, when it comes time to get the help she pushes back picking up on some random detail and refuses the help. 
Another battle, the war is far from over...