Lived Experience Forum

[Owlunar]

I have been thinking of writing something like this and today Dr Phil used this very phrase and I thought - Follow the Day and start the thread

I started thinking about this more after I saw my new pschologist last week. She told me I had a great insight into my life and what I do and that I am also very resilient. I saw my doctor on Friday and told him this and asked him how resilience developed and he told me

I have had a lot of challenges in life - eg - my mother, my son, chronic pain and more - overcoming these thing over time actually builds strength. We might feel overwhelmed at the time but just living with a purpose of getting through builds on that strength - I guess it starts in childhood

We are all very challenged in childhood. Dependent. Small. We start from very helpless. What a vulnerable state - luckily we don't remember much. I do remember wondering why my parents wanted me when I couldn't seem to please them and often I didn't know what I had done to displease them - this was in early childhood when I had no concept of how life worked and I was puzzled a lot of the time

It seemed - as I grew up - no one cared what I wanted - I didn't have a voice - but I did work out what I wanted and grew a voice and when my children learned how to voice their ideas etc - I took them seriously - I listened to them and let them know it. They didn't get their way all the time of course but they knew I cared about what they thought

So something made me learned to be my best friend - something told me I was worthwhile - it might have been my grandparetns. My mother put me down or tried to - for the rest of her life - I don't blame her for anything - and my father was a very strict though caring man - I learned to have a similar attitude and when I made my own choices - somethings were okay but changing my name - that didn't go well but by then - I'd had enough to not need my parents' permission for any-thing! 

Okay - I learned to be my own best friend - my advocate - my confidante - and at the moment I really need those traits because the preparation and waiting for a new pain specialist is stressful but I am dealing with it - I am sure it will be a good team with my GP and psychologist

But how do we learn? - I have posted a few things - maybe overcoming a tough life is part of it - how did you manage it? Do you want to know how?

Dec

@Zoe7 @eth @Maggie @Adge @TAB @Shaz51 @outlander @Former-Member @Gazza75 

@MDT @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Angels333 @utopia @saturnzoon 

@Molliex @Teej @Razzle @Meowmy @BPDSurvivor @Queenie @Sophia1 

Goll-ee - I have never tagged so many people at once before - I am stopping before I stuff myself up and lose what I have done already - everyone is welcome to add their voice of course

[Maggie]

@Owlunar I admire you in many ways. You have struggled,and fought through many deep valley experiences. Each on its own would have been enough for a whole lifetime.

I guess being my own best friend is something I possibly will never achieve, but I like to see others doing just that.

Your early life experiences were tough ones indeed. I guess for me, I realised I’d made a huge mistake fighting my way through birth. It hasn’t improved, as the fight goes on. I wish I could write positive words of having come through as you have, unfortunately I can’t. It always seems one step forward, ten steps back, repeat.

Its good to have people like you around @Owlunar , I think it’s hope. And even though it’s not a personal achievement, it’s a joy knowing it can be done.

You get thumbs up from me @Owlunar  👍👍👍👍👍👍👍

[Adge]

A good idea you have @Owlunar For starting this thread.

Will try to contribute later.

Adge

[outlander]

Thanks for thr tag @Owlunar will take a better read soon

[Shaz51]

A good idea you have @Dec For starting this thread.xxxx

wow my second mum @Owlunar  you tagged 22 members -- way to go my mum xxxx

But how do we learn? - I have posted a few things - maybe overcoming a tough life is part of it -

how did you manage it? Do you want to know how

this is soo interesting -- I have had a few childhood situations before hitting adulthood

[MDT]

heyyy @Owlunar
Thanks for tagging me and including me in this.

You have been through a lot by the sound of it my friend and I always enjoy hearing from people on the forum I don't see or speak to much.

You are definitely onto something there - it comes with time.

That's been my experience too.

PRetty remarkable how people change hey?

[Owlunar]

Hi @MDT @Shaz51 @outlander @Adge @Maggie 

What a fantastic start - responses and so many supports - I forget how many

I have to be my own best friend and have a gradual start this morning but I hope to respond to everyone who has answered here - this is so encouraging

We find it easy to be kind and suportive to others - perhaps it's harder to be kind and encouraging to ourselves - let's see how the thread goes and hope it really lives

I do feel very maternal about the threads I start - and I wish everyone else the best they can be today

Dec

[Owlunar]

Hey @MDT 

Great that you have replied - yes - people do change - I haven't been getting around the forum as much as might have been good to me - I was intending to spend my time in one particular area and for now that's unavailable so I have been posting more socially recently and this is good for me because I came here for support too and right now I need it more. Being our own best friend is learning to see this - 

But it is true I have noticed you more lately - it is impossible to be in a position to talk to everyone here - I have no idea how many members there are but once I really notice someone I tend to keep in tough as much as possible

I am really glad you responded - I feel really encouraged

Dec

[Owlunar]

Hi @Shaz51 

22 tags - wow - I didn't count them myself but yeah - I find it tricky - I tend to get my fingers in a twist and give up but this subject is really important to me - we do need to find out how to be our best friend - at the bottom line we are the only person we can really rely on to be there for us - we are the only one who really understands and we are always with us - we need to have our own back - I am learning this myself

Many problems start in childhood - some people in my generation call it "old school" - that was alright for their parents generation but it doesn't fit now. Maybe 70+ years ago people had kids because they just arrived. I remember asking my father what family planning was and never got an answer - perhaps there was a key to our problems in just that - planning families is a strange idea to older people - perhaps less to later generations

So - perhaps we just arrive and here is a kid to care for and the money has to come in and work has to be done and as much as I admired my parents' work ethic - I really hated it when I was a child - that chores etc came before worrying about the children - being sent outside in cold, bleak weather because the house was small and Dad was working night shift and sleeping though the day.

It's not something that will make us feel that we count. The thing is we can't change that and as much as it might bug us at times we have to grow past it - easier for some than others. How do we start learning self-esteem if we don't seem to count to others? 

And we are so little. We have so much to learn. School can be a scary place for some children and other children can be cruel. And that was the way it was

Thanks Shaz - it's so great you are on board

Dec

[Owlunar]

Thanks @outlander 

I know you are busy this week and will read and respond when you can

I hope your day is the best it can be - the weather is forecast to be very hot where you are and I know you are concerned for your sisters in hot weather - thinking of you

Dec