Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Former-Member]

Oh @Carlachris
Sending gentle thoughts your way ...

[Carlachris]

Emotional armour on. Driving to Warrnambool through the dreadful weather but have decided to spend a few days in Torquay to recover from the MIL abuse before coming home. Trying a new tactic and going to psychologically leave the nastiness at her door not ours. We just need to do the right thing by her and for ourselves hopefully avoid the trigger. Will be relying on mother nature’s beauty of the ocean to get us through. That always helps.

[Former-Member]

Sounds like a great idea @Carlachris, hope the plan works well and achieves its purpose.

[Grasshopper3]

@Carlachris
It's seems unreal that this little old lady has such an effect on you, your hubby and your married life.
I thought people mellow with age? There goes that myth out the door 🙂
Does your hubby has same gene as mum you think? I know my son has same trade marks as his dad used to have. (He might still have them but he's o/seas so don't have to deal with it - yay)
Good thing there is more help now then in the past. All we need is 'insight' when things are not going that well.
Lady, you're in my thoughts - darn FB!!
Cheers,
Grasshopper3

[Appleblossom]

Hi @Carlachris Hope the scenery shines through the weather.  @

I love that part of the world in any season.

Take Care

[Former-Member]

Hi @Carlachris
How did the plan go?

[Carlachris]

Thankyou everyone for your lovely kindness. The trip went ok considering. But the ever changing condition of MI has shown me it’s awful side again. Thankfully only for a few hours the night after mother’s day. We had a wonderful 2 days in Torquay them down to Warrnambool for 1 and a half hours with his mum. She was happy to see us for a change and mildly pleasant. ....this is new to us as she is a cuttingly cruel woman. (Not well) Hubby was so loving and kind and considerate as he always is. Couple of photos and a couple of vanilla slices and we left as advised by his psych cut it short. Everything ok for the next day but later that night he had a paranoid destroy me and my self esteem, delusional episode at the hotel in Torquay. I find I have to let it happen. It crushes me, it hurts, I cry myself to sleep as I can’t defend myself or talk him down until he gets it out at me. Trusting every word into something else and causing me of being an idiot who knows nothing being cruel to him telling him he needs help with his MI. .... I know it’s not him it’s the MI. I’m the only one there trapped in the room as it’s late cold wet and I’m exhausted in bed so I have to let him verbally destroy me again until it’s over. I know the patterns. No hope of recovery until late the next day. Driving home in the awful weather with his profuse apologies and over compensating insecurities. He will be ratty for a week or so lives like a filthy pig, hates people angry at innocent shop owners and people quietly minding their own business walking the dog. That’s where we are today. It’s never going to change but thankfully it’s not as often. Gosh I’m tired. For better for worse in sickness and in health. Love him.

 X

[Former-Member]

Hope things have turned the corner @Carlachris

[Shaz51]

Hello @Carlachris, how are you going my friend

Hello @Appleblossom, @Grasshopper3, @NatalieS, @Former-Member

[Carlachris]

Thankyou for asking. It helps to know I am not totally alone. For now my Darling is ok.....ish. His elderly mother has been hospitalized several times since I last wrote in May. My husband has been receiving very good counselling in the form of PTSD care due to her. It has allowed him to function reasonably well. Her deterioration and the constant stress of community services wanting us to move her into care against her will is a nightmare for my husband and his brother. We have been told to expect a phone call one day that she has been found dead. We can’t do anything as she keeps being hospitalized for pneumonia and bad falls and high bp but manages to sign herself out before assessment. She is 89. That’s the narssacistic way no recognition for the unending cruelty she is inflicting on her sons. She destroyed his childhood and past but I won’t let her have our future. We work together everyday meeting that challenge. There is a sense of calm but it’s emotionally frightening as well. It’s like being pulled inside out and upside down. She is a monster because she is a trigger and uses it still to traumatize my husband. Relief is in sight now that winter has past. Outside long walks with the dog and lots of swimming in the local heated pool work wonders. Unplugging the Internet still helps as well. Thankyou again to staying in contact.