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bottletopbill3
Casual Contributor

Schizophrenic Mother, Elderly Father

Hi there, 

Seeking advice on how to navigate my situation. I am early 20s with two younger sisters who are 18 and 19. Our mother late 50s likely suffers from depression and paranoid schizophrenia and is generally mentally unwell, taking extended breaks from work, staying in bed all day, believing groups of people are out to get her entering our home and stealing belongings, and overall negative outlook. We have urged her to get help but she doesn't want to accept it. Sometimes she will open up and say she has gone through unspecified things and claims she "knows how to handle it". Her behaviour however has had a big impact on my sisters, the younger one has struggled greatly with her own issues and the older one struggles with anxiety. I would like her to get help for their sake and also for the sake of herself as noone should have to live like that. Our parents are seperated and our father 70s has had multiple strokes and has his own mental health issues and due to his declining age and decreased cognitive ability he has issues looking after himself. He recieves a pension but is unable to budget. He is often homeless. Seeking any advice on the situation such as moving out, finding my father a place and how to get someone who is reluctant to seek help to do so.

 

Thanks 🙂

6 REPLIES 6

Re: Schizophrenic Mother, Elderly Father

Hello @bottletopbill3 and welcome to the forums. It sounds as if life is very complicated for you and your sisters.

 

I don’t have any “quick fix” answers for you but maybe you could start with contacting your GP for some support.

 

I’ll tag some people on here who may have some helpful suggestions @Shaz51 @outlander @greenpea @Appleblossom 

 

Take care and feel free to ask any questions.

Re: Schizophrenic Mother, Elderly Father

 @bottletopbill3 Thats a lot going on for everyone in your family.

I believe many people do the best they can given their circs, in parenting and family. people circs are unique and multifaceted. In my 20 I wished my mother would get counselling, but she was against it too.  It is difficult to change and convince people.  Often they can get set in their opposition.  If your father cannot manage his situation, it is difficult to watch, but parents are not your responsibility.  

 

My best advice is to try and build your own life with as sound foundations as possible.  Sharing, guiding and doing what you can with your younger sisters, but accepting limits to your responsibility.  

 

Finding ways to connect and be involved, but learn about reasonable boundaries. Doing for others what they can do themselves is often not helpful in the long run.  Only you can make the best decisions for your life.  Get support, talk out scenarios etc.  Social workers may be able to help refer you to other services.

 

 

 

Re: Schizophrenic Mother, Elderly Father

Hi, thanks for the reply just knowing people can relate and care means alot.

Re: Schizophrenic Mother, Elderly Father

Thank you for the support

Re: Schizophrenic Mother, Elderly Father

Thats an impressive post @Appleblossom and I am totally in agreement with you.  We can't save people from themselves and it is very difficult to be an onlooker with someone who refuses to get support.  @bottletopbill3 your mum has no insight into her condition which is common with mental illness - people denying they have a disorder when they do.  I would just focus on getting your own lives together and allow her to be, until such time her condition gets to a point where she recognises she needs treatment. It must be hard having a mum with mental illness. I'm in my mid 50's and decided never to have children I think for me it was the correct choice. I did not want my mental illness affecting other people

Re: Schizophrenic Mother, Elderly Father

@bottletopbill3 

Its not an easy road. Do your best but do not stretch too far.

My father died young and both my parents had that Sz diagnosis which makes for significant challenges for all of us children growing up.  I often parented my younger siblings.

 

I really really wanted my mother to get counselling to prevent things getting worse with younger sibs who were still at home. I tried over 20 years with her. Yours might be different. 

 

I have heard there is more awareness these days for children of adult sufferers of MI. 

Take care of yourself.

Apple 

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