Lived Experience Forum

[Angels333]

@BlueBay  sending hugs my friend ❤🧡💛💚💙💜

[Meowmy]

@BlueBay Hey, just drop by to say hello. Hope you feel better soon. Life is hard. Take care. 

[Emelia8]

@BlueBay 

Letting you know I'm thinking of you, and I care about you. You are important to me, as I know you are to your loving family.

Emelia 🌷

[BlueBay]

Thanks @Emelia8 

im not able to stay on here 

I really am sorry about your latest issues and all the tests you are having 

i really am feeling for you ❤️❤️

[Emelia8]

Thanks @BlueBay 🌺🙏💖 

And hi also to @Shaz51 @Maggie @Angels333 @Meowmy @Owlunar @Faith-and-Hope 

I'm sorry you dont feel able to be here right now, but I do understand.  I hope you are coping okay right now.

Actually I read your Worry Room post yesterday and was concerned for you.  I understand the feeling of being let down and taken advantage of by people in positions of power and infuence over us. We place our trust in someone in good faith, and it should never be taken advantage of.  But unfortunately it is, way too often.

Your post reminded me of something which happened to me when I was a young shy very naive 17yo, just out of school.  

I had just finished Year 12 and started a job at an accountants practice, straight after leaving school.  A couple of weeks afterwards, one of my fellow workers came out the back to tell me that someone was at the front counter asking to see me.  This was a surprise to me, so I went out the front having no idea who was there to see me.  The shy quiet new girl in the back office. 

I was even more surprised and confused when I was met there by my former History teacher.  The receptionist suggested we go to the conference room just off the side of the front office reception.  So my former teacher and myself moved into there.  I sat down and waited to hear what the purpose of his visit was, thinking it must have something to do with my work.  But what he told me shocked and terrified me. 

He professed undying love for me.  Told me that he was just waiting for me to finish school before approaching me.  What !!!???  I was totally stunned and had no idea what to say or do.  I was always a very shy and quiet kid at school.  If a teacher asked me a question in class I would clam up, blush and sit back down saying nothing.  I think I reacted similarly when confronted with this pretty major declaration of love from someone who would have been around 50yo at the time.  He should have known better. There had never been any indication at school .. thank god. 

I managed to stammer that I did not feel that way about him, and stumbled out the door.  I didnt wait around to see what he did.  I assume he left the office.  After that I was so scared I may come across him again.  I lived in a small country town and it was highly likely I would see him somewhere in town at some point.  I was constantly looking over my shoulder fearing his presence.  I learned some time later that he was transferred to a different school in another town.  I was relieved.  I have never forgot that, nor the revulsion and horror I felt at the time.  

I just thought I would relate that to you and I hope it is not upsetting to you.  I realise its very different to your own experience, and yet in some ways .. its very similar.

I think of you often @BlueBay  and hope you feel able to come to the Forums as and when you need to.  I do miss you very much.  Please stay safe and seek whatever support you feel you need off line.

Emelia 💕

[Faith-and-Hope]

Wow @Emelia8 ...., that teacher was so out of line, and I am sorry to hear the effect it had on you of looking over your shoulder and feeling so inhibited, as if course it would do.  So glad for your sake that he was moved elsewhere.🌸💕

Sending you love too @BlueBay ..... 💙🐚💕 .... and looking forward to when you do feel able to be here again Hon.  Missing you ❣️

[Meowmy]

@Emelia8 Hey Emelia, thanks for tag. Hope you have a good day. 

[Shaz51]

ohh wow @Emelia8 , sending you tender hugs my friend 

Hugs my sister @BlueBay  missing you lots xx

[Owlunar]

@Emelia8 

Hi Em - @Faith-and-Hope is right - that teacher was way out of line - and it was unfair to you in so many ways

It's just creepy - another form of victimization - pickin on a young shy girl who was unsure of herself and new to the workplace and the beginnings of a grown-up life. You were just finding your feet and to have this kind of thing happen - so unfair

I joined the CMF - (Armyj Reserve) - when I was only 18 and when I was away from home for the first time - at camp - an older woman put the hard word on me and I had never heard of that kind of thing before - I felt really weird - I just didn't understand

Before I went away my father told me that should I have any kind of problem to go to my sergeant and tell her - and I felt embarrassed and I did just that - and she told me that I had not done anything wrong and she would deal with it. I was okay with that but all these years later I did feel a shudder when I remember the incident

It is really uncomfortable to have people act in that way toward us - especially when we are young and innocent. You didn't do any thing to attract that kind of behaviour any more than I did - 

But I never saw that person again after that camp and you lived in a small town with that same person and had to constantly watch over your shoulder  

I hope you are okay Em - I know you have a lot of past clutter in your life that you could have done without - I really care and this is a horrible memory

Sending gentle hugs

Dec

[Emelia8]

You are so right @Faith-and-Hope ... the teacher was very much out of line and acted totally inappropriately.  Knowing he saw me in that way really freaked me out.  I have no idea how long he had seen me in that light, and that also made me feel very ill at ease.  It was all really creepy and unsettling.  I recall feeling very relieved when I heard, through another student still at school, that he had been transferred elsewhere.

Hello sweet @Meowmy ... its always lovely seeing you around the forums.  You bring joy and hope where ever you go.

Thank you @Shaz51 for the hugs ... they are much needed and appreciated, for lots of reasons, right now.

Dear @Owlunar  ... my very wise owl 🦉 and understanding friend.  Yes, as I said to Faith and Hope ... it was really creepy and made my skin crawl.  Gosh I was so young back then, much younger than my 17.5 years.  It occurred to me at the time that I should perhaps report it to someone.  But I had no idea who I would report to.  So I never did.  I told my Mum though, when she could see that I was really upset after getting home from work..  She was really angry and threatened to go to the school. I pleaded with her not to.  This all occurred around early January anyway, so the long break in school and nobody would have been around for her to report to anyway. I only heard about his transfer after school started back in February.  Thinking about it now, I dont know if he was going to be transferred anyway, or if it is possible my Mum saw them anyway ... thus resulting in a transfer.  I really dont know.  Anyway, enough on that.

Gee Dec I can understand your confusion and lack of understanding about having the 'hard word' put on you by another woman.  Like you, I definitely had never heard of that sort of thing at that age either.  I think I led a very sheltered life in my youth.  Although perhaps it was a sign of the times back then too, where such things were never discussed. I think its good how things are very open about such things now, which probably results in fewer occasions of poorly directed approaches.  No secrets about sexual preferences leads to fewer surprises to recipients.

I have no idea what I would have done under the same circumstances.  I'm glad for you though that your father had told you to speak to your sergeant if you had any problems.  So well done to you for having the fortitude to report it as you did.  I'm also really happy to hear that the sergeant obviously dealt with the situation appropriately.

When it comes down to it ... any completely unsolicited and inappropriate approach from another person is an invasion of our space and our dignity. Far more so when it comes from a person in authority, or holding a position of trust such as was the case for @BlueBay .

Thanks everyone for your understanding and your care.  I really appreciate it.  Thinking of you @BlueBay 💕

Emelia 🌸