Morning Check-in

[avant-garde]

@Dreamy 

Something happened at church though

[Dreamy]

@avant-garde i am here if you would like to talk about it sweet.

[avant-garde]

@Dreamy 

I was talking with a friend and just trying to stay regulated when Azariah came up behind me and surprised me with firmly putting his hand on my shoulder. I jumped and looked at him and all I could see was one of my childhood perpetrators.

I could feel the sheer look of terror on my face and he asked me "why are you scared of me" I said "not something for today"

He backed off and I burst into tears and the tears kept erupting through the service because of just how scared I was.

[Dreamy]

Oh sweetheart @avant-garde that sounds so tough. I'm sorry that this happened to you today. 

Sending you hugs beautiful ❤️

[avant-garde]

@Dreamy are you still awake?

[Dreamy]

@avant-garde sorry sweetheart I was sleeping. 

[avant-garde]

@Dreamy 

I think I'm starting to realise something

[Dreamy]

@avant-garde I'm here if you'd like to share sweet.

[avant-garde]

@Dreamy 

Azariah often surprises me with touch at church and I think yesterday was a true and honest reaction to every time he does it. 

I think I often disguise my true response but on Christmas I couldn't. 

I think subconsciously he triggers me every time he surprises me with touch. 

I think this isn't helping my recovery, because it's putting me on guard every time I walk into church.

[Dreamy]

@avant-garde i hear you sweet and i can understand your response to his touch and even more so on Christmas day given how triggering it is. 

I'm sorry that it puts you on guard everytime you walk in to church. I'm hoping you can find a way to resolve this so you can feel comfortable sweet.