Lived Experience Forum

[HenryX]

@Erin86

Erin's thread continues on the following pages

HenryX

[SJT63]

@HenryX will write soon xxx

[HenryX]

@SJT63 

Okay Thanks SJT

Cheers HenryX

[HenryX]

@Erin86

This Thread has been given to Erin86

From the thread

by

Peta1

Erin86

Hi, 

I just signed up to this site myself. I want you to know you aren't alone. I totally understand how you are feeling. I feel the same way. I am 34 and I feel like I am in a time loop where I continually make the same mistakes, cause the same issues and push everyone who is good in my life to breaking point. I am in the middle of quite a bad episode myself and I am feeling very sad and very alone. 

Response by HenryX to Erin's Post

@Erin86 

Hello Erin86

I noticed your post and want to respond to you about your feelings of anxiety, fearfulness, nervousness and consequent feelings of stress that arise with some of the other issues.

I agree with you, that it is very difficult for people to share and have acknowledged their feelings and symptoms in relation to mental illness or concerns, particularly in our work, social and often, even home environments. That really is the point of having a place, which these forums provide, where such discussions can take place, without any fear of judgement, denial, prejudice or put-downs.

The beauty of this environment is that the other participants here all have some issues that they are facing or have faced in their lives. Consequently, people are not here to judge one another but on the contrary, are here to offer assistance to each other in a mutually beneficial way. We hope that you will be able to discuss ways that might help you to resolve some, or hopefully all, of the issues that you are addressing. By resolving, I mean finding ways of minimising the impact that these issues have on our lives.

I have experienced many times in my life when I would rather stay quiet than say something that may be viewed by others as being stupid, ridiculous or idiotic. I believe that some of those feelings arose from a view of life that I had that was as if looking through “dark” glasses. Indeed, I moved between jobs partly for those reasons. I wish that I had realised or become aware more quickly about the causes of those problems that came from my way of thinking or psychological issues that needed to become more balanced.

The point that you have arrived at is what I refer to as a “crisis point”. That is where you become aware, as I did, of the reality, that if I did not find out the cause of these problems, then I may be heading for deeper problems in the future. I believe that “crisis points” are good in that it is a time when we can change what is happening to us.

You mention that you are working with a new psychologist. You are receiving professional assistance with the issues that you are facing, which is so important. While forum members cannot offer professional guidance, you will be given queues where people can say that they have felt similar ways or experienced certain phenomena. Many of these will help you to identify areas that you can then discuss with forum members and/or your psychologist.

If you feel that a person is clearly in, or discussing similar circumstances to your own, you can left-click (mouse) on their forum identifier with the prefix “@”. Mine for example would be “@HenryX”. This will give you access to the threads in which they are likely to be discussing concerns, symptoms, phenomena, etc that you might be experiencing. There may be filler threads that consist of greetings and courtesies. These can be uplifting but possibly not substantial in terms of the material you may be looking for. Just continue the search for the material that you want. Also, with the “@........” designator, you can flag a person's attention to your post, that you would like them to see and to which you may like their response.

I spoke recently with someone who was concerned about persistent negative thoughts that she was finding difficult to stop. This is what I suggested (I have quoted from that discussion):

“In my experience, I have found that it is very difficult to get rid of ideas or thoughts, by trying to get rid of them. Allow me to explain myself, please. When we are trying to get rid of a thought we logically have to think about the thought we are trying to get rid of. Sometimes I explain this idea by holding up my hand and asking the person with whom I am speaking to push their hand against mine. Remember the old equal and opposites thingy (Please excuse my very physics type explanation – but I think you will understand) anyway, to maintain a position there has to be an equal and opposite force. If one hand is removed there is nothing to hold against and it (the other) will drop. I believe the same applies to thoughts, that sometimes we fight so hard to prevent the thought that we actually encourage its resistance and persistence.”

You have said that you are “starting to think I can't change.” I believe that I can almost guarantee that you can change. There are many different types of therapy under the uninspiring title of “talk” therapies. You might like to research “cognitive behavioural therapy” or CBT, “dialectical behavioural therapy” or DBT. These will give you some ideas that you can use on your own, though I would recommend that you do so with the guidance of and in conjunction with your psychologist. In conjunction with the discussion and personal awareness approaches, there is a range of medications that can be very usefully applied to assist with psychological balancing. I take a medication that I am aware is beneficial for me. I am keenly aware of that if I forget to take it.

Erin, I do hope, that while I have covered a lot of ground, you will find this information useful to you.

Other forum members and I will be happy to assist if there are any ideas you would like to discuss.

With My Most Sincere Best Wishes

HenryX

P.S. I have also posted a copy of this note to Peta1

Erin's Response to Post above by HenryX

Thank you HenryX 

I don't want to be this version of me anymore. I don't like who I am. I want to be better for myself & people around me. I had a massive break down yesterday and I don't want to ever go through that again.

Reply to Erin86 by HenryX

@Erin86 

Hello Erin

Thank you for responding to my post.

If there are any questions you have or ideas you would like to discuss, the members on this forum or I would be pleased to have the opportunity to discuss them with you.

Best Wishes

HenryX

Erin's reply to HenryX

It is extremely lonely. I struggle to be on my own and I don't much like who I am. I so badly want to change but I know it is going to take a lot of hard work. I have complex ptsd and suffer a lot with abandonment issues. This causes so many problems for me in my every day life but also my personal relationships. Regular arguments with my partner turns into a big anxiety attack or really heightened emotions and I panic and totally lose any sense of equilibrium. The panicking is because I am afraid of being forgotten or abandoned. It's a daily struggle. 

Post by LostAngel

Re: Exhausted by anxiety

can relate to your heading

HenryX' Reply to Erin86

From what you have described Erin, it seems that, to some degree, you understand the issues that you face. You are aware of some of the terminology, such as “complex PTSD” and the issues like fear of abandonment, the anxiety and panic attacks. From this, it seems that you may have discussed these issues with your GP and that you may also be talking with a professional counsellor. Would you mind letting us know if that is correct?

The issues that you have described also would seem to create significant internal conflict in yourself. Loneliness and aloneness can often be a result of relationship conflict. This can lead to that loop or cycle that you referred to before.

If you feel like doing so, maybe you could tell us a little about what work you have done so far. Are there any positives that you feel that you have accomplished?

@HenryX

@HenryX 
I have seen psychiatrists, psychologists and my gp about my issues. 
When i am fine, I'm fine. When I am low I am so low. And worthlessness just envelopes me. I have done a crash course in DBT which was good while I was doing it but putting it into practice is hard. I tend to forget what I am "meant" to do in certain situations and find it hard to even try because I react so quickly that I have barely even thought about what I am going to say or do

Hello Erin86,

Thank you for replying with the information regarding treatment so far and the difficulties that you have had in applying the DBT material in practice in everyday life

Erin I would like us to go to a new thread that will be for you since this thread was initiated by Peta1.

I have copied all the posts and responses for you over to "Anxious and Exhausted". I hope that we have established a good connection now for you to be able to continue on your own thread. I hope Peta1 will understand and we can now give her thread back.

Look forward to speaking with you on your "Anxious and Exhausted" thread. This note will guide people to your thread.

Cheers, HenryX

[HenryX]

Hello @Erin86 

I can understand that feeling of not being able to recall what to do in time to do it.

I do believe that, like any method that we use from our heads, it is a matter of practice.

When talking with others about the issue of practice, we have discussed the idea that it is sometimes difficult to ask someone else to help. However, it has been agreed that people who are close to us may actually feel it to be a compliment that they are asked to assist. In this way, they are being invited closer into our special space.  I would be interested in your thoughts on this.

Cheers, HenryX