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Something’s not right

Underwater
Casual Contributor

Completely lost

Hi I’m new to this forum and I just needed a place to talk.

I moved to a new city over a year ago where I don’t know anyone apart from my partner and I’m so depressed I can barely breathe. I cry everyday, I have totally lost the will to live, I hardly go outside, I can’t work, I just have no energy and just lie around all day hating myself, having endless awful conversations in my head, feeling like such a burden on my lovely kind supportive partner who is out working and providing and looking after everything while I just cry and cry and cry at home by myself. Honestly, even last night she had to go to an event that we were both invited to that she had to go off to alone because I am so down and sad and feel like all I’ll do is cry if anyone asks how I am ? This happens all the time and I feel like I’m ruining her life and so I keep on saying to her why be with me? You know. I feel like such a waste of life, such a waste of time. Just nothing but a terrible boring burden. Every night I have terrible panics about the fact it will be another day tomorrow, because every day is such torture. In the mornings I wake up so early and just feel nauseous with dread and anxiety and sadness. I really can’t cope any more. All that is around are the walls of the apartment and nothing. Just me and the most horrific sadness and pain in my head. I don’t clean, hardly get dressed in the morning, I just have no energy ...all the energy I have is used on feeling guilty and useless and like my life is over.

6 REPLIES 6

Re: Completely lost

Hi @Underwater ,

 

My name is Buddy13 and I am one of the moderators for SANE. Given the it's the early hours I thought I'd say hi as it may take a while for other forum members to wake up and respond. Sorry to hear of the difficult time you are having. I hope the forum provides some extra support for you during this difficult period. Based on what you have described I would highly recommend visiting your GP and asking for a mental health plan. They will be able to help connect you with professional support. You don't have battle on alone.  

 

Kindest Regards

 

Buddy13

Re: Completely lost

Hey @Buddy13 thanks - I saw a doctor about ten days ago and I’ve got an appointment with a psychologist and psychiatrist in about three weeks - it was the fastest that I could be seen. I’ve seen so many doctors and therapists over the years and have been prescribed so many different things over my life, antidepressants, mood stabilizers, antipsychotics, in various combos and even had ECT about ten years ago, plus reiki, tapping, Keto diets, acupuncture, hypnosis ...but nothing works and have been dealing with this for my whole life - but this really feels like the end now because I’m just exhausted with this darkness and so incredibly lonely. 

Re: Completely lost

Hi @Underwater,

 

That really sounds like things are feeling desperate. I have written you an email to check in. 

 

Kind Regards

 

Buddy13

Re: Completely lost

@Underwater  Hi Underwater and welcome to the forums. You have come to the right place of nonjudgemental support and loving care. The people here are wonderful and have seen me through some of my darkest hours. There are many threads which you might like to post on. One of my favourite is The Worry Room Get it out and Walk Away, there is also Good Morning! and our ever popular Friday Night Feast which happens every Friday at about 7.30ish and of course many more.

 

I hope to see you around. Take good care of yourself. Also if you want to talk to someone just put a @ in front of their name and they will be notified of your posting. Love greenpea xx

Re: Completely lost

Thanks @greenpea for the support and tips

Re: Completely lost

Hi @Underwater I just wanted to say welcome to the forum. It has changed my life to have supportive people who just get it. I'm sorry it's so so hard for you. You have endured a lot and you're still here. Thinking of you today.

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