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Something’s not right

ElsaDawn
New Contributor

Feeling helpless and ready to give up - Mother with Bipolar

Once again, we have arrived at a point where my Mum has disappeared, and someone else is controlling her body. 

 

For the duration of my life, my Mum has been on and off her medication, in and out of Psychiatric hospitals and every few years my dad, brother and I have to go through the pain of her relapses. 

 

My brother, who is no longer living at home has given up on trying to help her, feeling frustrated by the fact that she refuses to take her medication, and once again, leaving us to deal with the consequences. My dad, who is an absolute trooper when it gets to this point is very patient with her, and although in her eyes at these moments, he is the worst person in the world, and treats him terribly, he remains by her side. 

 

I am now at the point, where no matter how many conversations I have with her about my concerns, and her behaviour, she does not take in anything I am saying, and I have to sit back and watch her make decisions that I know aren't good for her, but helpless to do anything to stop it. She is surrounding herself with people who have stolen from her and taken advantage of her, spending money on them, and buying them useless things, when her own family's pantry sits empty.

 

It has gotten to a point now, where I want to completely disengage from her, because I can no longer watch her make these decisions, and be around people who are encouraging her behaviour and flat out using her and taking advantage of her. It is taking a toll on my own mental and physical health, and I cannot put that at risk too. 

 

My question is - does this make me completely heartless? She is my mother and I love her more than life itself, but there is nothing else I can do for her, if she does not want to accept help. Has anyone else been in this position? If so, how did you handle it? and did your loved one eventually get help? 

4 REPLIES 4

Re: Feeling helpless and ready to give up - Mother with Bipolar

@ElsaDawn Hi ElsaDawn and welcome to the forums. I have bipolar 1 and schizoaffective disorder and am a mother of 3 grown up children. Even though I hate the medication (like many of us do) I have promised my  daughter that I will stay on it. I am also a carer for my middle son so I can appreciate I think where you are coming from at that angle as well. The thing is you have to take care of yourself .... you won't be a help to your parents if you get sick as well. 

 

You mother is making a choice to go off her medication .... that is her choice as an adult so I believe like all choices it has its consequences. You have to look after your own well being. Some times people have to totally fall down the rabbit hole before they see they need help and maybe that is the case for your mum. I hope this has helped a bit. greenpea

Re: Feeling helpless and ready to give up - Mother with Bipolar

Thank you @greenpea that is incredibly helpful and particularly coming from the perpective of someone who also dislikes the medication, but takes it because you understand the impact it has if you do not. It helps to clarify that Mum would understand, and is still actively choosing not to take it. I absolutley believe that my Mum is one of those people that is going to need to completely fall down that rabit hole, before she realises that she needs help and something needs to change. I think for my own sake, and feeling more ok with it now - because of your comments to take a step back and wait for the inevtiable to happen, but be there to support her, when she is ready to seek help. 

 

Thank you for your support. ElsaDawn. 

Re: Feeling helpless and ready to give up - Mother with Bipolar

Hi @Charlie16,

 

Welcome to the SANE Forums! Smiley Happy I am glad that you were able to connect with @greenpea and be re-assured that sometimes you need to prioritize caring for yourself. As @greenpea said, you can't care for anyone unless you care for yourself first (i.e., you can't pour from an empty cup). In a similar vein, you can't help someone who is not open to your help. Therefore, although it is terribly hard to see someone you love "go down the rabbit hole," sometimes this may be your only option. Thus, your idea around offering support, when your mum is ready, sounds like a good idea.

 

I'm sorry that you have not received many replies on this post. If you feel like you still need support, do continue to reach out on the Forums. You may also want to get to know other Carers in the "Hot Chocolate Anyone" thread.

 

Please look after yourself!

 

Kindest,

Amour_Et_Psyché

Re: Feeling helpless and ready to give up - Mother with Bipolar

Hello @ElsaDawn , checking to see how you are going

we are here for you , you are not alone my friend

Hello @Determined, @greenpea

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