Lived Experience Forum

[RainSun]

I’m certain of it. Trouble is, I continue to hurt my Mum’s feelings and to a lesser degree, my sister’s. No, they don’t stoke my ego because I do nothing that warrants it. I love them so much. One day my Mum is going to die because she has severe heart disease and probably from the stress I cause her. I currently live with her but have no where to go. I don’t have an income because of disability. I don’t know what to do. 

[tyme]

Hey hun @RainSun ,

I'm hearing you. 

You may feel like you are not in a good place, but you are. Do you know why? Because it sounds like you have reflected on your actions and realise some actions/behaviours are not very helpful to your closest relationships?

Having the awareness you have is the fist step to seeking support towards recovery.

It sounds like you know you are hurting those closest to you - am I right in saying that? Unfortunately, BPD is just that - those closest to you see and feel it, whereas others in the world are probably oblivious that there is anything wrong.

If you have time, have a browse through Raising Awareness of BPD - Flipping the Script or Topic Tuesday// Borderline Personality Disorder Awareness Week 2022: 'See The Person'// Tues 27th Se... 

You may be able to connect with others who are going through what you are going through.

There IS hope,

tyme

tagging @BPDSurvivor 

[RainSun]

Thank you for your help, I appreciate it.

[Basil]

Hey @RainSun, I love your name 😊 I kinda see the sun and the rain reflected in your post. Does it mean anything to you?

Sounds like you have a big heart. I wonder if you've ever shared with your family what you shared with us here? 🌻

[RainSun]

Hi, thanks for your message. I have bipolar too hence the name I chose for myself. 

I am too ashamed to talk to my family. Plus - my Mum told my entire extended family, and church people and even the neighbours about my bipolar diagnosis. There is no way in hell I’m telling Mum that I have NPD. No way. I have to do this on my own. 

[BPDSurvivor]

Hey @RainSun , I have BPD. Not fun at times, but it’s been a great teacher. It’s taught me life lessons I’d never learn elsewhere. I’m also well on my way through recovery. 

‘Hang in there. It’s worth it.

[bertie1]

To my way of thinking, one of the characteristics of narcissism (is that what NPD stands for??) is an inability to see how you are affecting others and/or regard yourself as unworthy - which does not appear to be what you are saying. I don't know about BDP though I do know it is possible to have more than one PD. Is it at all possible that you can get a good diagnosis? I know it's hard to find someone to trust but I think it starts with a diagnosis that makes sense to you. I too think I have some type of personality disorder (PD). My emotions have been out of control my whole life (56 years) but for 35 years psychiatrists and GPs have focused only on 'depression'.....so I started doing my own research on the topic of emotional dysregulation, which is a primary cause of Personality Disorders. I live in Queensland; Australia and I am having a really hard time finding someone willing to explore this area with me. I am starting over, trying to find a good GP with a special interest in mental health, or at least someone willing to spend more than 7 minutes with me....then go from there.