Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[I-can]

Hi. 

I am pregnant with my second child and I'm extremely anxious and I'm starting to be really depressed. I am scared of starting again with the baby phase and I'm not sure I can cope with two children. I have complex PTSD and suffered with antenatal anxiety and depression with my last child. I had trouble bonding with him for a long time. 

Has anyone been through something similar and/or do you have any advice. I'm feeling very lost. My husband would like to keep the baby but is willing to support me with an abortion if I feel I can't go ahead with it 

[tyme]

Hi @I-can ,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing what you are going through right now. It is understandable that you have anxiety around having the second child, particularly if you required some extra support with the first.

Parenthood can bring about much anxiety, and it is natural in many circumstances. It is a way for parents to embark on and prepare for a new chapter. However, when anxiety pushes past this, it may be a good idea to speak to your doctor about it. They may be able to direct you to some therapy groups who work with those who require that extra bit of support.

Are you in touch with any of these groups?

I'm sure other members will also be able to chime in a share their experiences with you here on the forums.

[I-can]

I was connected to these services with my first child. They were helpful for giving me hope at the time. I have not reconnected during this pregnancy. I am struggling in a different way this time. I don't feel those services will be that helpful. I know I can parent well. So I don't need that kind of reassurance this time. I am just struggling with the idea of another one and the amount of extra burden that will place on me.

I have difficulty accessing them anyway and the process to getting access requires motivation I don't have at the moment. 

[tyme]

Have you ever phoned our SANE counselling Drop-In line? @I-can 

It would be good perhaps to talk about it over the phone with someone 

SANE’s Drop-In Service 1800 187 263 https://www.sane.org/get-support/drop-in-service

This drop-in line is not a crisis service, so it's different to Lifeline etc. Rather, it is for counselling.

If you don't mind me asking, did you only just find out about this pregnancy?

[I-can]

No, I have known about it for a number of weeks. The situation is becoming more stressful as the decision to abort is now urgent. I need to decide quickly.

I will have a look. Thank you.

[Determined]

Hi @I-can 

I will cautiously add some thoughts from a Husband / Dad to be point of view.

And please understand this is just my family experience not any intention to convey it is the only way. I hope you don't mind me commenting on a delicate mum decision. 

It is encouraging to hear your husband is supportive, I as a husband like to think this makes a big difference.

A number of years ago our family was faced with the same scenario. For us, unplanned preg while wife was on a spiral towards a breakdown.  My wife's Dr encouraged her not to continue with the pregnancy. This was not an uption for us. (Wife changed drs because of it).

While the first couple of years were hard for us, (my wife would have had a breakdown with or without a baby) and she found it hard to bond with bub, they now have a wonderful relationship. Our little man has blessed our family in more ways than words could express and my wife now would not have it any other way.  Nor would I despite the challenges we faced. 

We were in the fortunate position where both our mums were in a position to provide support and I could take bub to work with me.  

As @tyme  has mentioned there are some valuable community supports available. 

Hope this is of some help and happy to answer any questions best I can

[Shaz51]

hello @I-can , thinking of you soo much xx

@tyme , @Determined 

[Owlunar]

Hi @I-can 

This is a decision only you can make - I do understand completely though - and whatever you choose is okay - as far as I am concerned - and many other people too - including your husband.

I had adopted my first child and my second was a delicate pregnancy and the baby was premature - my first child was very hard to manage and when I found myself unintentionally pregnant I was very upset - so I get how you are feeling though of course - I don't know exactly your thoughts and emotions.

I had miscarried before - and I was relieved to miscarry again and had my tubes tied earlier than usual - we women have the rights to our own bodies and our mental health - and it sounds very much as if you have really had a hard time with the pregnancy and birth of your first child and don't want to repeat that - I am so there with you. 

You must consider your own health and how you will manage with your existing child as you  make a difficult decision. You may feel like having another child in the future - right now doesn't seem a good time.

I really care and wish you the best - this is very hard - I know

Best thoughts

Owlunar