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Something’s not right

Mach
Casual Contributor

Stuck in no mans land

Hi. Im here because i am mentally and emotionall tired and i just wanted to be heard by someone who is not going to tell me to"just find sometime for myself" or try and send me on a time conuming wild.goose chase through the my aged care.website to. seek  the magically illusive "support" that the government has on offer.  The truth is i m not bitter. Im not after polical blood or bitching about doctors or medical costs. Im tired people. I look after both.my parents who have varying medical, psychological and finacial issues. And without boring you with a long list of experiences letsjust say something im sure you all understand. They sit squarely in the grey area, they dont tick enough boxes to be deemed mentally incompetant but they cant function without my daily assitance. They can make choices for themselves however.they have no ability to understand the consequences of those choices (to give an example they both stll live in their own home and my father decided he thought the cement on the back.patio was uneven , so he dug and.broke up random pieces of concrete. The area is now unsafe for carers to use... so instead of their clothes drying on the clothes line they now have to.be dried.in the dryer $700a quater was their last bill. They dont have the money to fix the concrete and neither do i...just one of many examples and random things like this happen every week). I know im lucky they do get carers in to help with showers and care. Dads excentricity can be amusing at times. But i am finding that for want of a better decription they seem to have very.little.capabilty to.use their executive functioning part of their brains and now that is what i am. I am the part that must be involved and  consider ever single desire, thought choice situation and act....every day and sometimes several times a day.This is  huge in  itself but it does stop there,not stop there. Because  now.i.must attend  to every doctor visit, every finacial issue arising.from their daily living etc and every legal situation all from a perspective of first undestanding the issue then trying to undertand what they want to happen then explaining to them what the bigger context may be, then possible dealing with a melt down from one of them.because said desire is either finacially  or phsyically impssible and all while medcial and legal personel are looking from the outside and for.all intents and purposes  their medical records and are.wondering why the hell im there in the first place. They look and me and my parents and have to.weigh up each time . Does she have a right to speakfor them.or.is this an elder abuse situation. And i know before anypne says "are yOu power of attorney" and the answer is yes but even that is tricky becuase my parents will twll professionals they dont want to deal with "you need to speak to our daughter about that shes our epoa" but then in the next breath will decidedsar panels are the necessity of.the day and book an appointme t with a sales.person to enter their house. Andwhile all this random acitivity is going on they will call every day multiple time just for a chat becuase they are lonely. And at the end of the day i love them. What am i going to say to my mum when she rings for the 4th time to tell me how the weather has been today? Am i going to cut her off and say "i know you just rang me an hour ago" of course im not. She's my mum. But people im tired. I m tired of having to think for them, of putting out fires, of trying to prevent them, of the constant docor visits, the bills they cant afford, the stress of where im going to.find the money , of how to explain to them when they dont understand that we cant see that apecialist atm because we are still paying off the last and of feeling their confusion,  loneliness and fear while having to regulate my own. Im tired of loving with work boots on.

3 REPLIES 3

Re: Stuck in no mans land

So i just thought i add a little context to.my.previous commnets. My dad has never been diagnosed but i stongly susupect that he has ptsd issues arising from trauma during his childhood. So this has mad it difficult in when dealing with medical.professions as they try to gage possible dementia onset. Because questions are asked from a perspective is his behaviours any different from before. They answer is its had to tell. He has had massive melt downs, anxiety, depression constant impusivity and inabilty to own his behavour throughout my child and beyond which have never been assessed by a medical.professional and often when we did see a medical.profession he wpuld know how to act in order to stay under the radar. My mum has had stroke, heart attack and other medical.issues that have affected her cogitove and physical abilties, she also displays anxiety. So their is more than aging that is going on.

Re: Stuck in no mans land

hello @Mach and wlcome to the forum

letting you knoe you are not alone my friend

and we are here foryou xx

Re: Stuck in no mans land

Hello @Mach, are you ok Heart

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