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Something’s not right

Sleepy_Spinster
Casual Contributor

Talking to family with self diagnosed BPD or gaslighting.

How do you help when you don’t know for sure what the true issue is?

My sister is living interstate with her husband and 2 young daughters. I have seen a few red flags with him including his seemingly aggressive conspiracy theory debating which he loves to do. In the past couple of years they have moved interstate, accused both their mums and his sister of being narcissists and cut ties with most of them indefinitely. They say this is boundaries they are placing as they are learning more about themselves and their trauma. My sister also has self diagnosed quiet BPD but refuses to get it officially diagnosed by a medical professional claiming that her lived experience should be enough. I don’t want to invalidate her (and do see some of her symptoms of BPD) but when I talk to her about any of the things that are happening, she gets extremely defensive and twists my words to fit a narrative that no one believes her. She is also relying on questionable sources for her information. I am concerned that her husband is gaslighting her and slowly isolating them both. This whole situation is causing a lot of hurt both to her and the rest of the family. I was staying out of it hoping they could work it out themselves but it is becoming quite extreme now and I don’t know what to do.

2 REPLIES 2

Re: Talking to family with self diagnosed BPD or gaslighting.

Wow. I said in the other post that I was only sharing my personal thoughts on your "Talking to family..." thread. After reading this thread on the same topic, I feel like I kind of nailed it.

Or, maybe I'm being the narcissist now? Nah. It feels more like, this is me taking back what was taken from being stuck in that cycle. Either way, I'm tooting my horn. Toot toot toot.

Re: Talking to family with self diagnosed BPD or gaslighting.

Hi @Sleepy_Spinster,

I just finished reading your post - I think your question is a very interesting and valid one.

I guess without a professional diagnosis it wouldn't be possible to know what the true issues are. Whilst I think your sister may believe she has BPD without a professional diagnosis it isn't a clinical fact. I don't know a lot about how serious mental health issues are diagnosed but I do know they are based on the DSM-5 and there are a few rigid assessments involved. I know that you said you sister doesn't feel the need to be diagnosed professionally but if she does have any type of serious mental health issue she should also be receiving the appropriate treatment and care.

Are you able to encourage her to seek professional help - not only for a correct diagnosis but possibly more importantly to receive the help she may need? I know this isn't always easy / possible. If an adult doesn't want to seek professional help there is very little anyone can do but I think it would be very beneficial for your sister to speak to a professional. I also think if your sister does have an untreated mental health disorder this may have a negative impact on her daughters.

It can also be tricky to know what someone is really going through if they are being manipulated by someone close to them. It may be the case that you sister can't think clearly because she is being so influenced by her husband. 

I wish you and your sister all the best. I am also a person that prefers to stay out of things but unfortunately sometimes it becomes apparent that we do need to step in on occasion.

Warm wishes,

FloatingFeather 

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