Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Struggling_63]

I should consider myself fortunate as I am about to retire after a long and successful career, but something isn't right. My depression is not good and I feel very alone even though I have family about. I've gone back to smoking cigarettes which is a safety trigger as I had been pushing myself away from the bottle. I don't feel in control and seem to be very numb. 

[SJT63]

@Struggling_63 

That is a huge life change so no wonder you're feeling out of sorts.

Any sort of uncertainty about the future can trigger us into all sorts of mayhem if we're not careful and at the moment the whole future of the world seems to be undermining everything we try to plan. My MI partner has found this past 12 months particularly unsettling and, quite frankly, so have I.

I am familiar with feeling "outside the bubble", surrounded by loving friends and family yet feeling completely alone.

Given that you are about to turn  you life completely upside down could I suggest couselling. It could well be that you may be entering a grieving process - mourning what you may feel is a loss of self or purpose? Some sort of therapy may help you refocuss your thoughts about the event.

Go see the GP for a mental health plan or at the very least book a call with one of the Sane counsellors.

Kind regards

S

[TideisTurning]

As @SJT63 has said, there are many options out there and available to you @Struggling_63. The choice of which to take, if any, is up to you, though I'd encourage you to do whatever feels right and best for you 😊

[Peri]

Dear  @Struggling_63 ,

i first read your post a few days ago, and cant stop thinking about you and your situation.  

I am a few years older than you, 69, and retired.  Unlike you I was force into it five years ago. I was not ready for it, and what happened to me was ruthless and cruel. 

Society leads us to expect that retirement will be a wonderful time of life, but that is not necessarily so.  I am on my own as in I don’t have a partner, so we are not happily planning holidays and trips around the world and a new home and all that stuff.   I also lost my home of over twenty years and ended up with no super, all that was due to all sorts of stuff.  

But I had enough to buy another house, my youngest son lives with me, which suits us fine and his daughter comes here several days a week. Those are the best days as she brings a special light and purpose with her. She is disabled. And needs lots of support but is as bright as a button and brings us boundless joy.

but I live on the age pension and have never been this poor in all my life. I had a senior executive job in the health sector, so money was assured and well enough.

but I understand how you feel. Retirement is a big change in life and circumstances.  What the hell does one do?  I was not ready to spend my days doing housework and maintaining things and I don’t have the money for much else. 

I have had depression on and off since my early twenties but managed it mostly.  Over the last years it has now been joined by severe anxiety and I have a PTSD form what happened to me.

i don’t see many friends as I have come to dread going out. So I manage a lot a lone

be careful not to cut yourself off from everyone who cares for you. Let yourself adjust to your new situation.  Don’t make any other major decisions for at least a year.  

You have to let the grief for this life change settle and pass.

dont worry about the smoking just now, just monitor how much. You can stop again when you feel better.  The bottle is not a good solution so good on you.. alcohol only makes you feel better for a few hours and then you feel worse again.

rest but don’t become a bed bug. Find one person in that family of yours that you can really talk to, one who will not judge and just tell you how lucky you are to have retired. Someone who will listen and nurture you keep in touch with even one friend even if just by sms.

do you have pets? Or would like one? They are great company, but not for everyone.

if I can help or offer support I will be here

thank you for posting 

peri

[Struggling_63]

Thank you for your support 

[Struggling_63]

Many thanks. 

[Struggling_63]

Thank you for your thoughts 

[Struggling_63]

Thank you for your reply. I do try to talk to my partner but am cautious as to how much I express so as to avoid causing hurt. My employer is making things difficult for a smooth transition to retirement with policies and caveats as a Military person.  I am hoping for decisions to be made late next week and fingers crossed it will be a load off my shoulders but it could go 'pear shaped'. Having no control after over 40 years of loyal service and just becoming a number in a pile of paperwork hurts. Only time will tell now. Thank you again for your support and if I can assist you in any way, I'll be here for you.