Lived Experience Forum

[Elke888]

Hello 👋 

As Christmas approaches once again, the thought of not being part of my family celebrating with my grandchildren and sons will inevitably lead to a very sad and lonely day, again.

No matter how many times being excluded from  birthdays etc it still hurts.

Are/is anyone else experiencing these feeling, if so, how do you cope? 

🌸🌸

[amber22]

Hey @Elke888 

Thank you for reaching out and sharing how you are feeling, this time of year can be really tough on so many people ❤️

I'm sorry that you are feeling alienated and that there is not much connection between you and your family during this holiday period. Is there something that you can plan on the day that would make you feel better? Something that you would enjoy? You could make your own celebrations and see if that makes you feel any better. On some years I have even caught up with friends for an Xmas celebration with their families if I am having a tough time with mine. 

Sending my support, 

Amber22

[Elke888]

@amber22 

Thank you for your kind thoughts.

Unfortunately, after 26 years of PA,  being part of other families celebrations is not a choice or option for me anymore as I am disconnected from society. 

I am so thankful and grateful  being able to connect on this site and chat to caring people as yourself as it brings a little normalcy to my existence. 

Thank you once again. 

Enjoy your day 🌸

[Appleblossom]

@Elke888 Hearing you loud and clear. I will probably be alone too and will check in on Christmas day.  Often others do.

[Historylover]

Hello @Elke888. I'm just dropping in to say Hello, and to let you know that I am in a similar situation, I believe. Perhaps we have corresponded previously? Deeply traumatized and isolated. It's tough, really tough. I've been on my own a little longer than you, and special days stopped being special long ago. I am also completely isolated from my family, and had expected reconciliation when we all grew up. It wasn't to be and today we are all completely different people, having each taken different paths long ago. I wonder if we could even find common ground now and, for me, mutual respect is obligatory. I had the same situation with my parents, and would never have expected my own children to live such different paths now to me. We had once been similar, or so I thought. 

I don't have a social group either, as I find that my situation renders me a difficult match. I don't know what to do about these difficulties. I'd like friends very much, but I find my isolation is the only place I am able to be my true self. 

As for Xmas day, it will just be another day for me, but perhaps I'll drop in here and send merry wishes about. I hope you're doing alright, @Elke888. Sending kind wishes your way.

[hanami]

So heartbreaking @Elke888 . And so sad that this is quite common. Just want to say I'm thinking of you and all the other alienated grandparents. Hugs to you all

Hanami

[Elke888]

@Historylover 

Hello again,

Yes, we did previously correspond...and thank you for sharing with me...

Reading your note was like writing my life story from childhood through to being a grandmother.

As your moniker 'history lover' suggests, I am so very interested in Greek and Roman history, perhaps we have this in common, also. 

Being in isolation gives me a sense of security, would dearly love to just sit with someone in a cafe for coffee and chat,  but then again I cannot trust anyone, so back to my four walls and studying languages and European history. 

It is paramount for me also to stay true to myself,  albeit has come with consequences, as I am an easy target for abuse and coercive control which I have again recently experienced with hiring a builder.  

Very nice to chat with you, and sending warm thoughts through to you today.

I will look forward to sending a little cheer with anyone who is active xmas day, also. 

🌸🌸

[Elke888]

@hanami 

Thank you 🌸🌸

[Historylover]

Nice to hear from you too, @Elke888. We are indeed in a position vulnerable to coercive control as I, too, learned at considerable expense in recent weeks. There is no-one to trust in such a position. 

I am between online courses at the moment, and just can't decide which direction to take. It seems, in this instance, I am spoiled for choice. I would also like to study Greek or Roman history, but the timing of the courses is not right, so I'm still indecisive. I taught myself (quite a bit of) German many years ago, as I have German ancestry who emigrated here in 1852. Perhaps I have mentioned this previously. I immerse myself in learning which all serves to make me a more rounded person. I am trying to reach my potential which I had not been able to do previously. I do enjoy it. I have even been toying with buying a keyboard and teaching myself piano as I can do that with headphones and not bother my neighbours. Just a thought I've considered. 

We're a unique group, @Elke888, and I would love to meet up with those, like ourselves, who are walking this path. I have not found any. Others are alienated parents, alienated grandparents are yet to cross my path.

Anyway, I'll just send you best wishes and hope today is a good one for you.

[Elke888]

@hanami Thank you 🙏

Yes, there are too many. 

Sending my warm wishes to all travelling this lonely road 🌸🌸🌸