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Thumbalina
Casual Contributor

Hi Everyone, thanks for having me

It's taken me awhile to post as honestly I've joined a few groups and I perceive it always goes badly. I have been diagnosed with PTSD, GAD, Anxiety attacks, suicide ideation and self harm. I have a deep distrust in most, although strangely will fly to the aid of those when needed, I always forget my life jacket but I guess. My main distrust is with govt although I was a loyal employee for many years. 
I find it hard to fit in anywhere honestly, life honestly makes me extremely sad. It would be nice but to connect with someone as in the last 18 months I've alienated all of my friends, have got my mother just about to swear on the bible not to tell the rest of extended family and my poor daughters life must be crap having me as their mother. 
Of course as many of you know mental illness also holds so much stigma, we are rarely believed or in my case I had to get well to their schedule and it didn't happen. I had a period where I did look like I was improving then I fell and now I have been left with no support from anyone honestly, it's hard to not start thinking in terms of conspiracy theories in between blaming yourself, thinking I never helped those people to begin with I wouldn't be here. I know this is all very abstract, but that is how the paranoia is voiced in me these days. 
Would like to chat but if can put up with innuendo or I'm an excellent listener. 🙂 

5 REPLIES 5

Re: Hi Everyone, thanks for having me

Hi @Thumbalina 

Welcome to the forums! 

Thanks for your post. I'm hearing that you've been going through a lot lately and that you are feeling pretty alone in coping - I know that can be really hard.

I hope that you are able to find some great support here from our other forum users Smiley Happy

Wishing you all the best,

HappyCastle

Re: Hi Everyone, thanks for having me

Hi @Thumbalina 

I'm new here too. I'm sorry you are going through such a hard time. I too have the type of paranoia of which you speak, I also have c-ptsd, bipolar, anxiety. My family are no support whatsoever. In fact I told my mother once a while back I was seeing a Pdoc and she was absolutely disgusted in me. Like I had brought shame on the family or something. So I don't share anymore. I have been scapegoated and gaslighted by them my entire life. I keep my relationships with them as shallow as possible now. As far as I am concerned they are not worthy of being part of my inner circle. I hope you find support here. 
Big hugs,

BB 🐰❤️

Re: Hi Everyone, thanks for having me

Thanks Happy Castle,
Apologies I did not get back sooner, one of those weeks.

Re: Hi Everyone, thanks for having me

Thanks BB,
Families are the worst for some and best for others.
I have a pretty supportive mum, but she’s honestly been through the wringer. It’s more my aunts and uncles, my earliest memories of them (I’m 42 born to a single mum) were them having goes at her for being on single parent pension, this has been the theme most our lives not good enough. I know now that I’m unable to work I’ll be hit with the same scrutiny “A kind of I knew it moment from them” Yes families suck and I’m sorry.
Thumblina

Re: Hi Everyone, thanks for having me

Hi @Thumbalina 

 

I have no idea how all that feels but I hope my advice is valid. I would say that in your reading your post is why you have such a distrust of people?  Has it always been like this or is it linked to an event or your PTSD?

 

You obviously have some strong feelings towards a topic and i wonder how this lead to you being alienated towards your friends?  Do you feel like they judge you or don't understand you? I am curious as to what happened over the last 18 months that lead to such a breakdown. 

 

What is it you like to do? What have you discovered about yourself over the last 18 months?

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