Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[ShiningStar]

Hi @AnaTamanui 

I just wanted to reach out to welcome you to the forums - it’s great to have you here 💜

That’s such a lovely way to introduce yourself and I just wondered if ‘kia Ora’ is how you say good morning in Maori?

Absolutely! It can be incredibly lonely when the people around us are unable to relate to some of the things that are happening in our lives and in my experience, this can make the days and nights so much longer and harder 💜

As I sat here listening to this part of your story, I could really hear how important it is for you to be able to connect with people who share similar experiences to your own and as such, I just ever so gently wondered if there’s a particular type of connection that would feel helpful for you?

For example, some members of our community find it comforting to be able to connect with people who are caring for a loved one who is living with the same mental health conditions as their loved one 💜 Whereas other members of our community find it really helpful to participate in threads that are a little bit more social and light hearted 😊

With this in mind, I just wanted to take a moment to share a few threads that may help you to ease yourself into community life and get to know some of our other amazing members 💜

The first thread that comes to mind is our Daily Check In Space 😊 Basically, this is a space where you can share how you’re travelling and take some time to focus on your own self-care and wellbeing 💜

I’ve just shared the link to this particular thread below, just in case you would like to take a look 😊

https://saneforums.org/t5/Looking-after-ourselves/Daily-Check-In-Space/m-p/1123847

The second thread that I thought may be helpful for you is called Hot Chocolate! Basically, Hot Chocolate is a space where you can hang out with other members of our wonderful community and chat over a hot chocolate (one of my personal favourites 😊) tea, coffee - or anything else that takes your fancy 😊

I’ve just shared the link to this particular space below, just in case you would like to explore this further 😊

https://saneforums.org/t5/Social-Spaces/Hot-Chocolate-Anyone/td-p/73121/page/2100

Also, just while I remember, one of the things that really helped me when I was new to the forums and still finding my way around, was that if you would like to chat with another forum member, or reply to one of their posts, place @ in front of their username just like I did at the start of my post to you i.e. @AnaTamanui that way, they will receive a message that you have contacted them 😊

Please know that you’re always welcome to reach out here whenever you need to 💜

Take kind and gentle care of yourself,

ShiningStar 💜

[Louise7]

Hi I am a Carer of an almost 20 year old daughter - I am reaching out as we are having a rough month and I am exhausted …

[ShiningStar]

Hi @Louise7 

I just wanted to reach out to welcome you to the forums - it’s great to have you here 💜

I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve been having such a rough time lately and I think that it’s wonderful that you’ve reached out for support 💜

As I listened to this part of your story I can really hear how tough things are for you right now and as such, I just ever so gently wondered if there’s anything in particular that has contributed to how you’re feeling?

Also, just while I remember, one of the things that really helped me when I was new to the forums and still finding my way around, was that if you would like to chat with another forum member, or reply to one of their posts, place @ in front of their username just like I did at the start of my post to you i.e. @Louise7 that way, they will receive a message that you have contacted them 😊

I look forward to being able to chat with you some more and in the meantime, I really hope that you’ll continue to reach out to us here 💜

Take kind and gentle care of yourself,

ShiningStar 💜

[Celise4]

Hi there.  I'm new here.  I am an 80 year old mother with one daughter who is 55 and has borderline personality disorder. Undiagnosed. She is married with a supportive husband and two lovely kids - 21 and 19.  Our daughter chooses to go off on motorhome trips on her own , often, sometimes for weeks.  My husband and I get the impression that the family is relieved whenever she takes off and they cope but the family life is disintegrating. We were recently caravanning and she was driving to camp with us - a 4 hours drive.  She texted me to say she would only come if I stopped calling her "darling" and any other such "patronising" names which she found "cringy" and I should save them for Dad.  I am a bit shattered at the venom and that she didn't come.  Our relationship had been tracking better and now it is shaky with her bullying and abusing me in texts.  I love her. I try hard to keep the peace.  She lacks empathy and compassion and can be vicious when triggered.  I would be grateful for any comments.

[RiverSeal]

Hi @Celise4 

Thank you for reaching out to the Forums!

It's heartwarming to hear how you support your daughter who you suspect has BPD. People who experience MH issues can at times say hurtful things in an attempt to make their own lives easier to cope with. As can people supporting them say the wrong things when they mean the best or no harm.

Sometimes it's about recognising what causes a person to feel uncomfortable and working out a compromise to support the situation. Perhaps having a discussion to understand what your daughter doesn't like about being called certain names. Let her know it's as important to you to understand as much as she wants you to change.

 Hopefully, you find something that works for you both.

Take care

RiverSeal

[Tracy11]

My favorite self care activity is reading. I love to read absolutely anything. I am hoping to learn, get advice and am grateful to not feel so alone.

[ShiningStar]

Hi @Tracy11 

I just wanted to reach out to you to welcome you to the forums - it’s great to have you here 💜

Thank you so much for sharing a little bit about yourself 😊 I love how your favourite self-care activity is reading and I just wondered if you have a favourite genre?

One of the amazing things about our community is the way in which we use our lived experiences to support and learn from each other 💜

I really love how you’re ‘hoping to learn’ and as such, I just wondered if there’s anything in particular that you would like to learn a little bit more about?

I’m so sorry to hear that you feel so alone and in my experience, this can be such a difficult and distressing place to be 💜

As such, I really hope that being a part of our community will provide you with a sense of belonging and connection and that in time you’ll start to feel a little bit less alone in some of your experiences 💜

Also, just while I remember, one of the things that really helped me when I was new to the forums and still finding my way around, was that if you would like to chat with another forum member, or reply to one of their posts, place @ in front of their username just like I did at the start of my post to you i.e. @Tracy11 that way, they will receive a message that you have contacted them 😊

Please know that you’re always welcome to reach out to us here whenever you need to 💜

Take kind and gentle care of yourself,

ShiningStar 💜

[Kilpa4]

Hi Joonbug,

I had not heard of Schizotypal Personality Disorder, so I had to look it up.  That sounds tough for you and hubby.  It must help having a diagnosis.  Take care.

[Gluhbirne]

Hi My 19yo daughter has BPD, PTSD, disordered eating and has been in &out of hospital for the last 2+ years. Am getting used to the chaos but the most recent suicide attempt (I think #6) scared me (anyone else been taken to wait in the Family Room at the hospital?). I have 2 younger teenagers and am trying to do a PhD plus working. I'm autistic so not sure I'm the best support but I'm learning. I'd love to be in a position where I could help others but I'm not there yet. It is great to feel that I am not alone.

[Jennifer59]

Hello all,

Im a new user to this site and am here due to emotional exhaustion that I have carried for many years. I have a beautiful adult daughter whom has experienced mental health for many years. The tears are already rolling. 

Very happy to meet you all.