Lived Experience Forum

[Zoe7]

I used to be like that and would 'leave myself' to help others but have slowly learned self-care and my own limits @Powderfinger It is a hard lesson to learn along the way though - giving all of ourselves sometimes means losing arts of ourselves both physically and mentally. I am very much more selective now in what I can and cannot give - that goes for family, friends (of which I have few) and also at work. I would give everything I possibly had to work - it really was my life - but now I have a better balance ...not ideal but better (still working on that one). I can now however segment my life better - work is work and I am not as invested in the kids as I used to be - that does not mean I do not care or do anything I can to help them along the way but once I leave them at school that is where they stay (mostly lol).

I totally agree with you on the professionals side of things. Not everyone cn 'recover' to the extent that is written or talked about. Some traumas are too extensive and the best we cn hope for is to find ways to deal with it all ...and that takes a lifetime of continuing to learn. It certainly is not black and white - and what works for one person does not necessarily work for another. I think I have mentioned to you before that my pdoc and psych would ideally like me to get out more, meet new people and do new things but I am happy with my life at present. I have started a new direction in my job - one I have always dreamed of doing - and it is taking time to set up. I am doing things around my home that I enjoy and have a better overall work-life balance. What they do not get is I am happiest by myself - not everyone needs to be a social butterfly nor join a hundred grous or be with people for happiness - so I totally get  what you are talking about.

I will say goodnight to you then @Powderfinger Thank you so much for everything tonight. A lot of this stuff I have not talked about for ages so you have helped me as much as I hope I have helped you. Sleep well and chat again soon 

[Powderfinger]

@Zoe7 

Thank you. I will reply to this tomorrow. I have a few others to reply to and share some things with them. I am very gratfeul to you for speaking with me and our extensive conversations. Thank you for all your time. I am the kind of person that takes time to mull over things people say. Lot of mulling to do. I am at time off right now because I chose to take time off. Still much to do with time off! 

I am glad that I have helped in some way and made a difference in your world in whichever way that may be. Yes, you have helped me certainly. Sometimes we do not see all the ways someone has helped us and this is also why I like to reflect too. Thank you for your time, energy, sharing, lsitenign and hearing. 

Goodnight @Zoe7  Sweetest of dreams to you and Tobes. 

Powderfinger. 

[Zoe7]

Dropping in to say good morning and wish you the best day possible @Powderfinger 

I am off to the supermarket, chemist and our favourite place - Bunnings - this morning then home to rest again, Will check in later 

[Powderfinger]

Hi @Zoe7.

I dropped in this morning very quickly as I was in a hurry. Belated good morning. I hope your trip.into the great indoors was fun and you didn't get too lost in Bunnings. I am structuring and pacing my day to what I can manage. Feel like crumbling most of the time. I'm now tired after I had a woodworking lesson this morning. I'm going to have a sleep. Then I will figure where to from there. I will be back here to reply to your post from last night. 

Check in later. 

[Powderfinger]

@Zoe7 

It is 4:36 pm here for me now. I am feeling down amongst other things. I re read your last post. Its important you choose how to live your life and what makes you feel content. If it really not hurting anyone nor yourself, then why you change if you are truly happy? It is true, not one size fits all. 

I have very little to do now with loads of mental health support and services. Reason being is because I do not need it anymore. Another reason is because I am tired of engaging with the services. When you have been in it for so long, you get to a point where you know its just not something you want/need anymore. When the NDIS first rolled out, I said no to it. I have not regretted my decision and I have not ever wanted to engage with NDIS. 

Another reason is because I want to find out who I am and what I like, what makes me happy and content. What keeps me healthy and well? What do I need for me? I have had more stressful times in the mental health field and with services than I have had help. I have also had trauma around it as well. As you know I have lost myself, BUT I have also changed. I can feel something in me has changed deeply. It is not the right time for me to explore that right now. I am trying to get through each day, living with every single feeling and sometimes I would like to escape.

I just cannot cope with certain feelings I am having. I am sorry that I have not addressed all the things you have mentioned. I am quiet and reflective today. Sitting with what is happening and reflecting. 

I hope you had an awesome day with Tobes, bunnings and other things. 

[Zoe7]

There is never any need or obligation to address anything @Powderfinger This is a spac e for you to talk and work through what you need in your own time and own way ...I am simply a conduit for those musings lol Seriously though, do and say what you need when you need it and I am listening 

I fully support you going your own way with all this. I still have a psych but do not see her regularly - it is more more the occasional check in and to know she is still there if I need. At present I get what I need from my GP and pdoc and the rest I also do on my own. Working through so much can have the opposite effect from what is intended - it can send us so far back into the darkness that we struggle to find our way out again ...I have been there and it was not ideal. So moving forward for me is to not look too hard or too far back now - and that works best for me. It is about acceptance of the past but not living in it - that is too painful and not at all productive for me.

Quiet and reflective days can be both good and bad but we also need to have them for our own growth - so be quiet and reflect away 👍

I did get to Bunnings - took Tobes - and got what I needed so another thing ticked off the list. Unfortunately my sister turned up just after I got home to say she had taken Dad to hospital. He will likely be in there for a few days as he has a badly infected leg. I will need to go to my parents' tomorrow to do a few things as my Mum has recently had a hip replacement and a break in her femur from a fall - so cannot do much herself. My sister is staying there tonight so that is covered for now. 

[Powderfinger]

I'm just doing a little bit of work on some chairs for a client now. I'm in the mood after taking a few days break. 

I have a range of emotions throughout the day. I am effing pissed off in this moment. I dont want to be going through any of this. I get angry as I process certain things. I figured it out, it is not just that I lost myself, it is that I do not even know who I am anymore. I am essentially confused about who I am. I do something or say something and check in with myself if what I said was OK or right. It is genuinely frustrating and then I feel like crying because I want to get to the cause of this for me. I want to scream. I stay mostly in my workshed. I have been in the house two or three times today very briefly. 

I go in there as little as possible. I get a shock everytime. Mostly I just pretend she isnt there, I do not look at her or say anything. The whole time my heart is breaking and I am struggling. Yet, I know to not expect anything different from her. I know saying anything will not end up well. I have these thoughts that I try just to disconnect from. Like, I cannot believe this is what it has come down to. That this person I spent every single day with is now a stranger. My heart breaks some more and I want to cry. I know that crying in front of her will not move her emotionally so I go cry privately. 

I feel lost not knowing how to get throuhg the really tough moments. I think to myself where is that person I did know at the beginning. Its like she is gone. I look at her now and think I dont know you, but I also do know you. I have photos of us in our happy times. I do not look at them at the moment. Then I realise, she was never actually truly happy. I know she wasn't. To come to realisation I made no difference in her life is hurtful. I want to speak to her hurt and pain because I feel it. Though, I have done that throughout when we were together. I get the feeling she does not know what she needs or wants either. I know I cannot fix this nor save it. I know I have to let her go. 

I know that I need to look after myself now. I keep thinking have I left anything unchecked when she is about to walk away. I do not know if I ever will see her again in my life. I do not know what to do with that thought, I do not know what to do about a lot of things. 

There is a thing about ticking lists. They have a satisfying feeling. I love it because it means I have more time for me and things are getting done. Lists help me, I do need them. Oh dear about your folks. Im glad your dad is being taken care of in hospital and that your sister is going around to take care of your mum tonight. It gives you a chance to breathe and organise some time to do what you need to do for your folks. 

Nice to catch up with you today @Zoe7 

[Zoe7]

I loooove lists @Powderfinger Not just so I remember what I need to do but to also see the accomplishment of being able to tick things off 👍

These feelings you are having are all very natural after a relationship breakup. You do question so much and wonder if things had been different what would have happened but as hard as those things are to go through right now you are doing everything you can presently to get through.

Working on the chairs and keeping busy with things you enjoy is a good thing. It can take you out of your own head a bit and you accomplish something along the way. I do similar and it does help. The physical work for me is important too - keeps both body and mind active.

I still have a few things to get done tonight so I can visit my Dad and Mum tomorrow.It is likely going to be an early morning for me but it has to be done. The sooner I can get moving the more I can get done while I am at my parents' house then I can call into the hospital to see Dad afterwards.

[Powderfinger]

@Zoe7 Ditto on lists and the reasons for them. I have been using my calendar on my phone as well and that is tremendously helpful. I do lists under my notes on my phone and I have the apps for woolworths and coles to do shopping. Sometimes I still do paper lists but less often now as I am becoming more enviornmentally conscious than I was previously. 

IF's I don't think I am really doing with this, but it is a good point and I will look out for that. IFS are irrelevant. IFS do not change anything that has happened. IFS do not undo things and make things better. So, really IFS are pointless. 

I have been keeping busy today but also at my own pace. I went to make a decaf before and decided that this year I am going to act like I am retired. Just this year. Of course I cannot afford to be retired, but I am not going to let that stop me. I have worked hard my whole life. I absolutely love my woodworking. It was going to be something I did when I had retired and I thought to myself why wait? I am so glad I didn't wait. I think I would have been to old to do it and enjoy it. My woodworking is my dog I do not have. 

What is it that you do? Great to talk to another girl that does similar too. 

No worries @Zoe7 You do what you have to do. I will catch up with you whenever you have time. 

Take care. 

[Zoe7]

I do generally anything that needs to be done around the house but also enjoy making things with the kids at school @Powderfinger I have made birdhouses out of recycled fence palings many times. I cut everything up for them then the put them together and they decorate them as they like. I have also made little planes and cars with the kids and all our entries in the christmas pageant including a coffin for a vampire lol I have made most of my shelves, restored chairs, tables and desks. My favourite thing in my house though is the brick fireplace that I fully redid. I stripped back the plaster to expose the whole brick wall, relayed and straightened the wall, redid the arch and build in a shelf. It is now where the tv and electricals live. Next is putting in the attic ladder, re-inforcing the joists and laying the floor so I can move all my school stuff up there to store. When that is all done I am going to build a bookcase in the spare room along one wall and a window seat under the length of the window wall. All needs funds though so they are longer term projects.

I agree - IFs are pointless - we can't go back and change history so best to leave them in the past and try to move forward. I absolutely love that you are doing your woodworking now - why wait for things we enjoy.