Lived Experience Forum

[KT27]

Hi, I have been struggling with mental illness since I can remember. However, the reason for my post is I have had a tough conversation with my wife. She has told me that she is struggling with carers fatigue and as a result, her empathy towards me has shifted. I really want to ensure my marriage makes the distance. I understand I cannot magically just be doing better than I am. I also understand that although this conversation is hard to hear. Any advice that will  support both of us at this time? I would really like to support her but am also aware that I must look after myself also. Thanks for reading.

[Paperdaisy]

Hey @KT27 Welcome to the forums,

Is the carers fatigue because she cares for you or are there other carer duties in your wife's life? Being a carer is exhausting but it is most often done out of love. I don't know if you are able to encourage her to have some time out and do some self care? What kind of professional supports do you both have? 

It might be worthwhile to connect your wife with carer gateway

Take care

[KT27]

Hi and thank you for your reply. We both see psychologists and support each other as we both struggle with mental illness. I encourage plenty of down time and ensure I do not interfere during these times. She seems to struggle more with the to and fro of caring than I do. I am unsure why? I would like to understand this more so I can better support within this relationship. I understand that getting well is the biggest help but the journey to wellness is not instant and I would like our relationship to continue to grow throughout this. As we know, these things can sometimes make or break a relationship.

[Paperdaisy]

I'm glad to hear you both have the support of a psychologist @KT27 

When I'm reading this, it makes me wonder if you would benefit from a relationship counsellor, so you can work through this together in a safe space and your relationship can feel supported. What do you think? 

Would it be worth having a chat with Relationships Australia?

[Shaz51]

hello @KT27  and welcome 

I have suffered carers fatigue many times through the years 

and I myself have found it is a build up of my things not just caring but the unexpecting things , too many changes 

and i had to even lower my expectations 

my husband who has many diagnosis oh MI and is trying to help me  with daily jobs , finding that balance is hard to keep 

I will tag a few carers @Determined , @Smc 

and also @Oaktree , @Snowie 

[Shaz51]

hello @KT27 

we have a thread called Caring for the carer , that you can click onto  it is a only read now but it is very interesting

you and your wife are welcome to look through it xxx

[tyme]

@KT27 ,

It sounds like it is not uncommon to experience carer's fatigue. It sounds like you have a pretty strong relationship with your wife in that she is able to express that she is feeling a bit drained.

It would be great to bring this up with your psychologist to see how to support each other at this time. Are there things you both enjoy doing that can help you relax?

[KT27]

Thank you very much. I will speak to my wife about this idea. 

[tyme]

It sounds like you are very close and are willing to work through this bump in the road. Please keep reaching out @KT27 . 

We all need that extra padding of support to get through sometimes. It's not a sign of weakness, but rather, a willingness for things to get better.

Look after your dear wife as she has been looking after you 🙂