Mother's Day (TW)

[avant-garde]

So Mother's Day is on Sunday and if you're anything like me, it's a day you typically dread.

Whether you're a mother yourself or you want to be a mum or your mum just wasn't great, it's a hard day isn't it? 

You see all the beautiful gifts for mums in stores and it's hard, it's a day where you can and probably do, really miss your mum. 

I'm a mother, my children are not on this earth, but I'm no less a mother.

I can't be a part of my mother's life because it would put me in danger. But every mother's Day and special event I go to a public phone box and send her a message telling her that I love her and I'm ok.

5 years ago I wrote this

I am different in that I embrace my inner child and she is very much a conscious entity in me, and well she surprised me today. She made me pancakes and even bought me a present, and no I'm not crazy, she is the part of me that got neglected as a child, she never got to be that and she sees me as her mum, which is the sweetest thing and I love her like I do each of my angels in heaven.

I am generally a grieving mess on mothers day, but it's something different today, she made me feel like a mum and I love her all the more for it.

I think she has started a new tradition today, and I think it might just be a healthy tradition.

That the world may forget you or not count you as a mother, because you may not have actually have a child on this earth, but I now believe we deserve to be celebrated too.

So yes, make yourself a nice breakfast like your kids would and get yourself a present, ask yourself 'what would they get me, something I wouldn't get myself' and take care of you!

You are no less a mother. The world may forget you, but don't forget yourself.

This tradition I am glad to say has carried on, even when I was homeless, to love myself as they would have loved me. 

Yes I miss my mum on mother's Day and throughout the year, but do something she would have enjoyed and remember her in that moment, in the moments that she behaved like a mother.

Make space for her memory and make space for your grief. 

@Ru-bee @RiverSeal @Jynx @rav3n @tyme 

[RiverSeal]

Hey @avant-garde, thanks for sharing your experiences with Mother's Day and starting such an important discussion that I'm sure many Members will relate. Thank you RiverSeal 

[LostAngel]

Thank you for this post its definetly relatable ,I have had a rocky relationship with my mum after in particular after my father passed many years ago ,but in saying that things have improoved in recent years ,so now I would say as Im in my 30s mothers day is a reminder of how Im not a Mother as yet and it is something that really bothers me so much cause its something I wish for but of course without a relationship its sadly not on the cards currently 

[Dreamy]

@avant-garde thankyou for sharing. I love how you started this little tradition for yourself and you continue it today. Mothers day is very bitter-sweet for me so usually a day filled with lots of emotions. 

As always be gentle with yourself and sending you hugs, you matter and you are valued ❤️.

[Appleblossom]

Gentle hugs @avant-garde 

It is good you posted for your personal self, and the general good... Everyone has been born, of a mother though in vitro..  changes that a little.

It's a hugely triggering day for me.

@RiverSeal @LostAngel @Dreamy 

[MissinTooth]

@avant-garde I hear you!

I generally have...what some would call a negative view of Mother's Day. It's never been a day of fuss in our family and it's always one that's poorly organised and last minute. It's always stressful and my own Mum is difficult to please when it comes to buying something for her. 

I'm not a mother, but I do like to take the time to acknowledge my two Grandmothers and their role in raising me. I feel kind of strange on Mother's Day, uncertain of how to actually and how to be, uncertain of what to say or how to acknowledge it with my Mum. 

I really like the way you choose to spend Mother's Day. It's rather beautiful and special. 

[Jynx]

Really important topic @avant-garde thanks for starting this thread, and for sharing your journey. I found your writing from 5 years ago quite moving, as that sort of journey of gentle internal re-parenting is close to home for me. 

I hope this can be a safe port of call for all who feel a lil lost at sea whenever Mother's Day rolls around 🌊⚓💜

[Till23]

I agree @Jynx a very important topic @avant-garde - so thanks for posting

I hope you have some self-care planned for the day

I have a cancer fundraising thing on this Mother's Day, it will be difficult for me because there will be  a lot of talk about mothers and quite a few children. Someone wanted to put a prevention thing up about making sure mothers get tested for cancer. I said just mothers disenfranchises a whole lot of people who are not mothers for a range of different reasons. I said all women are daughters, but not all women are mothers - can you please change it to mothers and daughters - which fortunately they did.

It will be a hard day still. Many people who have been subject to intrafamiliar abuse often wonder if their mothers knew or could have done more, resulting in daughters not being in contact with their family of origin or for strained relationships. Many people's mothers have passed away etc etc

Sorry if I've said too much, but it's a perspective on the topic.

[rav3n]

thanks for creating this space @avant-garde my relationship with my mother is confusing and complicated, which i'm sure a lot of other members can relate to. 

really love how you choose to celebrate your mother's day 💙

[Patches59]

@rav3n @avant-garde @Jynx @Oaktree 

To me, it’s a day not just to celebrate mothers (whether they be birth, foster or through adoption), but a day to reflect on and celebrate all female family ancestors who had an impact on one’s life.  

All the women that had an impact on my life are no longer living.  Aunts, Grandmothers especially.  I celebrate the positive impact these ladies had on my life and remember them by placing flowers on each of their graves.

day full of mixed emotions due to missing them to remembering the fun times shared and the love they gave me