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Something’s not right

tisme
Senior Contributor

Carer Burnout

how do you deal with Carer Burnout?? I am diagnosed by my GP and a psychologist but that is as far as it goes. Your still left to struggle with it all alone. I am 63 cared for 4 family members over decades. Now I am the one that needs support, yet I am alone.  My brain these days has turned to fudge. I thought it might be dementia, but doctors say no, over 2 years of testing. I just can't do the daily wheeling and dealing, and working things out, and fights and battles.  I have an appointment next week with our realtor (of course we rent how many carers can/could get a housing loan??).  on how to change over the method of payment of rent and I'm panicking about it, I just can't work stuff out like that anymore.  My disabled daughter and I are going to end up in mess (not just rental issues) because I can't cope anymore.  I've talked to lifeline and beyond blue, I've ended up in the ER in lockdown. Yet here I sit.  I know there are people worse off than me /us but I am tired of worrying about others, of helping others.  I made the mistake of doing that my whole life and this is how I have ended up 

12 REPLIES 12

Re: Carer Burnout

Thank you for reaching out @tisme . It certainly takes a lot of effort and energy as a carer.

 

Carer fatigue is such a real thing.

 

Do you speak to any professionals regularly for support? e.g. psychologist

 

If you think it will help, SANE has a guided service you may be interested in, as well as a drop-in line.

 

For carers, self-care is so important.

 

You are welcome to visit JOIN US: Wednesdays’ Well of Wellness – Wellness Tips for Carers! for some tips.

Re: Carer Burnout

hello @tyme , @tisme 

hello and welcome my friend , letting you know that you are not alone 

click on this thread called Caring for the carer 

and I will tag you there too xx

Re: Carer Burnout

I see a psychologist once a fortnight, but she is barely out of college (late 20's/early 30's in age at least) and yet seems to be catching on very quickly. She's the one that diagnosed me with carer burnout (they must be teaching that in college these days).

Re: Carer Burnout

@tisme 

Have you visited the Carer Gateway website? May be some useful resource there for you... https://www.carergateway.gov.au/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=paid-search&utm_campaign=10626744435&u...

Re: Carer Burnout

Hi
Yes I even managed to phone them but there was nothing they could do.

Re: Carer Burnout

Hi @tisme,

I can understand why you feel burnt out. It sounds like you have been taking care of others for a very long time - what you have gone through would wear anyone out. I have been an emotional carer for a close family who has a serious mental health diagnosis for more than 20 years so I understand somewhat how draining it can be. 

The SANE forums had a discussion the other night around caring for the carer. I will link it here if you want to read it Carer Information. There was a question about carer burnout. I will paste the information here.

__________________________________________________________________

Caregiver burnout is a state of physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion. It may be accompanied by a change in attitude, from positive and caring to negative and unconcerned. Burnout can occur when caregivers don't get the help they need, or if they try to do more than they are able, physically, and/or financially.

Many caregivers also feel guilty if they spend time on themselves rather than on their ill or elderly loved ones. Caregivers who are "burned out" may experience fatigue, stress, anxiety and depression.

Some of the symptoms can include:

  • Withdrawal from friends, family and other loved ones
  • Feeling low, irritable, hopeless and helpless
  • Changes in appetite, weight or both
  • Changes in sleep patterns
  • Getting sick more frequently
  • Emotional and physical exhaustion

Some ways to help prevent caregiver burnout may include:

  • Talking with someone you really trust around how you are feeling.
  • Set realistic goals, accept that you may need help with caregiving so reach out to others for help if you can.
  • Engage with carer support groups (e.g. in person / online).
  • Take advantage of respite care services if it is available.
  • Be realistic about your loved one’s disease, especially if it is a progressive disease such as Alzheimer’s.
  • Talk to a professional
  • Know your own limits and be honest with yourself.
  • Educate yourself about the illness. The more you know about the illness, the more effective you will be in caring for the person you are caring for.
  • Stay healthy and eat well.

Accept your feelings for example, having negative feelings or anger is okay.

__________________________________________________________________

There is an organisation calle Carers Australia as you might find useful to reach out to:

Carers Australia 

In addition the SANE Support Centre is available to support you from 10am-10pm Monday to Friday. We have counsellors and peer support workers available to support you via phone (1800 187 263) or webchat.

We also have the SANE Guided services which is our new guided service that provides free digital and telehealth services and ongoing tailored support to people over 18 years of age with complex mental health needs and their families and carers SANE Guided Service. Both these SANE services are free.

I think sometimes people feel the need to rebuke themselves around feeling others may have it harder (for example, when you said there are people worse off then me). I understand what you mean but that doesn't lessen what you have gone through and are going through. It also provides no comfort to you and works to minimise your experiences. Your experiences of being a carer for those in your family over decades is a lot. I think you should give yourself a pat on the back for how much you have cared for others for such a long time - being a carer can be a lonely, misunderstood and often thankless task and it is a testament to you around how much you have cared and continue to care for others.

I really wish you and your family well. You deserved to be cared about too.

Warm wishes,

FloatingFeather 

Re: Carer Burnout

@FloatingFeather so true.  Its all started hitting the fan (as it were ).  with the burnout and other stuff I really cant deal with day to day stuff, ( like the realtor next week ) Ive never heard of them inviting you into th eoffice to help sort out the new paying the rent scheme.  My brain just wont absorb it.   I always fear my daughter and I are going to end up in strife ( or worse ) because I just cant do it all anymore.   As for the decades of caring ( which for some reason have started coming back to weigh on me or what ever). my Psychologist suggests I write my story.  I have written my daughters life story ( pretty much ) from birth to autism. 

Re: Carer Burnout

I think it's more than understandable that you feel like its started to hit the fan @tisme. I feel as carers we are often in autopilot mode for so long and then (seemingly out of nowhere sometimes) the battery just hits empty and you hit an emotionally depleted wall.

Hopefully it will help ease your mind a bit if you can get your rent sorted out - I would imagine you have enough on your plate without worrying about rent. I really do hope they can sort out something that works for you.

It's good that you are seeing a psychologist, I hope they are a great source of help for you. It might be a good idea to write a book and put your thoughts down on paper. Processing and working through stuff can be therapeutic in its own way.

Keep reaching out for support. The forums are here 24/7 so if you ever need to chat we are here.  

Re: Carer Burnout

@tisme   hi sweetheart i am in the same boat as you.  now this is what you need to do. do you have a good gp ?  find one and i know that can be hard but it is necessary have your appts organized.  get a referral to a psychologist and psychiatrist talk to them about getting registered on the ndis.  this will all take time months maybe a year but once it is all done then you can look at supported living for your daughter.  it is a must.  i am 58 and have a son2 who is being transitioned into supported living.  you wont be around forever and you need that peace of mind that your child will be well looked after.  i hope this helps.

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