I can’t cope

[Ru-bee]

I'm sorry to hear that the rest didn't help @Captain24 Are you feeling safe to get to work tonight? 

Just wanna send you a big hug, things sound really overwhelming and I know that's such a crummy space to be in

[Captain24]

The sleep didn’t help at all @Ru-bee just gave me time to forget for a while.

I got to work ok. 

There was a lot of tears. I couldn’t do anything right at the tip head. Every load was criticised for 2 hours. The dozer operator called me again and I answered with ‘I know. I’m a shit truckie’ the dozer operator said ‘yes you are’ well that just set me off again. I know I’m useless but hearing it was hard. He did leave me alone after that. He left as all alone. It wasn’t just me. 

It was a rough night. 

This is for you @Jynx A song came on the radio and I smiled. ‘What is love…’

Now I’m getting ready to go to bed. I just hope a full days sleep will reset me for tonight. I can only hope. It’s the last one and then I have 5 days off. 

[Ru-bee]

That would set me off too @Captain24 I'm glad he backed off after a while

Sending you good sleepy energy and hoping that you wake up feeling reset and able to tackled tonight. Do you have any plans for the weekend/week?

[Jynx]

@Captain24 aww nice ahaha that song is so catchy too, been revolving around in your lil noggin? 

Hope your day has been ok after such awful behaviour from that guy yesterday!!

[Captain24]

Hey @Ru-bee 

I want to say thank you for your support over the last couple of days. 

I’m struggling on here at the moment and have been for a while. For me to have opened up to you is really quite a huge thing to me. I’ve had a few trust issues with PSW’s but you made me feel comfortable. 

[Ru-bee]

@Captain24 that means so much to me. That's honestly all I hope for, and it's makes me really happy and honoured to know that you've been able to feel comfortable with me.

Thank you for letting me be here for you 💜💜

How are you feeling today? Day 1 of 5 days off right?

[Captain24]

I’ve actually spent most of the day asleep. @Ru-bee. I really should get up but it means I have to face the world.

I left work this morning at 5 am instead of 7. Didn’t have it in me to stay the extra 2 hrs. 

Last night was ok. The guy from the night before called in sick. So that was good. 

Day 1 of 5 wasted but that’s ok as I usually sleep until lunch anyway after nightshift. 

I have written a list of things that need to be done each day so I’m hoping that I can get some resemblance of a routine. Maybe just so I have an achievement each day. 

I did message my best friend that I was off this weekend but I haven’t heard from her. Which is ok as I don’t have the capacity to socialise. Or actually I don’t have the capacity to even talk to or see anyone. I’m not even sure I have the capacity for me and the dogs. 

Do you have plans for the weekend? 

[Ru-bee]

Doesn't sound like a wasted day to me @Captain24 , we all need those rest days and I think with your job you'd really need them! I do understand that feeling of wasting a day if you weren't able to tick things off your list though. I know I'm always needing to remind myself that rest is productive too!

Maybe the next few days will just be a great opportunity to recharge your batteries a bit

I've got a big family weekend planned. I actually share my birthday with my MIL but we haven't celebrated it yet, so we're spending the day together tomorrow where the whole family is taking her out as it's a big birthday for her. 

Then on Sunday I'm seeing my family and I'll be introducing my dog to my parent's pup which will hopefully go smoothly. I think I'll be needing to recharge after the weekend, I'm already feeling tired typing it out!

[Captain24]

That’s sounds like a huge weekend @Ru-bee. So much peopling. I’ll have to have dinner at my parents Sunday night. That’s already a lot! 

What kind of pup did your parents get? What kind of dog do you have? 

Im hoping now that I have knocked back my sleeping meds to a lesser of a dose then I won’t wake up so tired. Im hoping to feel rested not constantly tired. Power of positive thoughts! 

I really just need a break from being me. To be able to function at, at least a low level as apposed to not functioning at all. 

[Ru-bee]

I know, loooots of peopling @Captain24 I'm going to have to do nothing for the following few weekends just to make up for it!

I hope that you can start to feel more rested too, it makes such a difference doesn't it? I hope the positive thoughts help!

My parents have a boxer who is about 6 months old, and I just adopted a 3 year old Cavalier King Charles Spaniel who is very sweet. I'll have to show you a photo next time I'm on, I don't think he'd be much bigger than your pups. But for now I've gotta run! I'll chat with you next week and I'll be sending positive and restful thoughts your way this weekend!