Lived Experience Forum

[Bead23]

Hi, i'm 65. Bipolar. I've dealt with this since I was 17. So much of my life has been about self managing horrifying depression and  crazy ideas. 

In the 1980s when I finally saw a doctor about depression I was, of course, given anti-depressants. No counselling. No follow ups. This was the pattern for years.

Major breakdowns. Failed marriage. Avoiding relationships. Avoiding people. Disastrous job experiences. Alcohol and nicotine addictions. People telling me to 'cheer up'  'Other people are worse off than you."  'You're being self-indulgent'.  AND (my personal favourite): 'It's all in your head'.

I was officially diagnosed as bipolar just 5 years ago. I have spent decades not being taken seriously and therefore not being treated. Doctors and shrinks have seriously failed me.  

But we all have our horror stories so moving on: I'm fed up. When I was young(er) I could tell myself that whatever part of the cycle I was in it would pass. I would say 'You've been here lots of times. It will get better. Weather the storm, again. You have a future and therefore hope'. 

But, now I'm old. Don't have much future left and no hope. It will just get worse and worse as I become older and feebler.

I saw a clinical psychologist this week. I tried to explain the above. She wasn't listening.

She suggested 'grounding' and Yoga and 'mindfulness'. I could've got that crappy (and condescending) advice from any number of internet "mental health" sites.

I would try to see a psychiatrist but its several months before I can get an appointment unless I self harm [edited by moderator] or something. 

I need to connect with others who understand. Talk to me, please.

[tyme]

Hi @Bead23 ,

Welcome to the forums. I’m so sorry about the difficulties you are having and the challenges you’ve faced in the past. 

It is so important your voice is heard because we know your experiences are real.

Do you have any counselling support or friends and family you can speak to?

I hope you can connect with others on the forums and share your experiences. That sense of belonging and connection is so important.

Hope to hear from you soon.

[Dimity]

Hello @Bead23 and welcome. Thanks for introducing yourself  I get that you're fed up. I have a bipolar diagnosis too,  similar age, similar feelings.  

Persevere with your psychologist. What she suggested may be one small tool in your toolkit, there'll be others. It might still be worth getting on the wait list for a psychiatrist so they can assess possible meds. 

There's a helpful thread called Let`s talk about Bipolar.

Hope you connect here with others. I'll take a few @Shaz51 @Captain24 @PolarOpposite @Oaktree @Delicatessen 

If you put a @ in front of a username the system generates a notification to that person.

Looking forward to hearing more from you and maybe sharing tips and tricks 

Dimity

[Oaktree]

Hi @Bead23 

I have Bipolar as well and was diagnosed at 19 years old. Life has been hard a lot. It’s hard to hold onto the idea of hope and possibilities but it’s helpful if you do.

@tyme I wonder if you can link the recent chat we had on hope and possibilities here? I forget exactly what it was called.

Meggle

[tyme]

Hey @Oaktree - I'm sure we can add the link, but can you remember if it was a TOPIC TUESDAY chat or a Peer Group Chat? Do you remember?

[Oaktree]

I think it was a peer group chat @tyme 

Meggle

[tyme]

The peer group chat transcript is not yet up. It will be up soon. Only a few days ago, I spoke to the person who would be doing it. I'll let you know once it is up. @Oaktree - thanks for the reminder.

[tyme]

@Bead23 ,

I hear you feel it is 'too late', but the mental health system today has progressed from what it was in the 80s. Of course it's far from perfect, but even the acceptance of understanding of MH has certainly changed. 

It sounds like it's about the connections you make and where these connections guide you.

People have be known to live very successfully with bipolar and live very fulfilled lives. The initial diagnosis and the trialling of medication can be a bit up and down, but I am hopeful things will change.

Please don't give up and know you are not alone.

[Oaktree]

Thanks @tyme 

Meggle