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WretchedKid
Senior Contributor

Setting Boundaries In A Crossfire

To make a long story short, I come from an abusive family, estranged myself for my own protection and have a common link between them and myself.

Said common link (a person) has been passing over items from these family members for a very long time. I already set the boundary to be not contacted or harassed, but they continue regardless.

I find any communication distressing as they have been the serious cause of my lack of safety in the past. I've spoken to the "mediator" about throwing things away or rejecting things, but said person has been handing things over despite my request.

Obviously, no one is respecting my boundaries. I can forgive the common link because they're stuck in the crossfire and it's an unfortunate and unfair position to put them in.

Sadly, this isn't moderate family drama due to aforementioned safety issues, which is why I hoped they could go an extra mile to help me keep separated.

I wanted people's opinions on the situation, what they'd do and if they have any advice? This is an ongoing problem and at this point, I'm considering an AVO or similar, but that's messy and complicated enough.

2 REPLIES 2

Re: Setting Boundaries In A Crossfire

@WretchedKid hey there.

 

I relate.

 

 

Is the link person a savior type? My aunt was such....i ended up being quite harsh to her and firm to cease her doing so. It wss painful. But my health improved.

 

She was a meddler herself.

Re an avo....do u have a legal person to help? It can get very messy. I never got one but its my own phobias ... i do block all family members. Its hard. Do u have a therapist? I found in such matters my therapist provided support and legal style letters to help me achieve my boundaries and believe in myself

Re: Setting Boundaries In A Crossfire

Thanks for your reply, @EternalFlower.

Not a meddler, just doesn't understand how serious the situation is due to cultural, generational, personality differences and so on. They're a good person at heart, which makes it harder to approach them about as I've already been firm.

Just don't feel it's their burden to bear. Everything would be better if the estranged family left me alone.

No legal aid or therapist who is willing to help in that respect. My current one wants no involvement in such matters (I guess to protect themselves, which is fair), so a legal route would be pretty difficult. I really appreciate those inputs, though! Maybe I can get legal advice from someone...