Hello

[windecho]

Hi there,

My psychologist recommended this forum to me so I thought I would share my situation for anyone happy to have a read.

I'm 43 and live alone. I work alone in the early hours of the morning traveling to restaurants and cafes while no one is around which I've been doing for 10 years. The last time I caught up with a friend was late 2018. The last time I saw friends on a regular basis was 2014.

I lived with my mum for 39 years, in her later years helping her through her illnesses. She passed on 18 months ago. My dad kind of stepped in to fill her shoes but struggles with any kind of emotional support.

I was diagnosed with ADHD last year. I have had OCD for over 20 years which is a huge struggle. My psychiatrist suspects I have ASD and I am having an assessment in a few weeks. My GP diagnosed me with general anxiety disorder and I've been diagnosed with social anxiety. I've also been diagnosed with history of depression with psychosis and currently adjusting to being put on anti-psychotic medication. 

I havent been sleeping well. I havent slept through to my alarm for weeks which is terrible having to get up early.

Currently I'm feeling rather hopeless as life is becoming a struggle. My work is physical and my body aches with tiredness and OCD causes anxiety. I've had only two lasting jobs in my life and I worry what will happen if I can no longer do this job. My currently wearing a knee brace and I have a degenerative disc in my lower back.

I'm feeling overwhelmed easily. I feel like one major problem will tip me over the edge. I don't where to go to make friends. If anyone out there has experienced similar difficulties I would love to hear about how you persevered. 

[MatchaToad]

Hey @windecho 

First of all, thank you for taking the step to share your story here. It takes so much strength to open up when you're feeling so exhausted and overwhelmed, and I am really glad that your Psychologist pointed you in our direction 💚

Hearing about your daily routine, it sounds like you are carrying an incredibly heavy load right now, both mentally and physically. Working early, solo hours while managing a degenerative disc and a knee injury sounds exhausting on its own, let alone doing it on fractured sleep. It makes so much sense that you're feeling overwhelmed and worried about your future. You've been operating in survival mode for a while, especially after losing your Mum 18 months ago and stepping into that solo chapter of your life. I want to acknowledge how much strength it has taken to navigate that loss alongside your own health.

Receiving a mix of diagnoses, like ADHD, OCD, Anxiety, and navigating a new anti-psychotic medication, can feel like a lot of puzzle pieces to look at all at once; it's a lot to take in!

Many people here on the forums, including myself, understand what it's like to be isolated, to worry about employment longevity when your body is tired, and to feel like you've forgotten "how" or "where" to make connections after years of being on your own. You are certainly not alone in that!

For now, try to be incredibly gentle with yourself. You don't have to figure out how to solve everything or make a life's worth of friends tonight. Just coming on here and posting is a massive step that I am proud of you for taking.

[Dimity]

Hello @windecho .

Condolences on the death of your mum. I imagine you're still grieving her, 18 months isn't long.

I hear you on struggling with your physical and mental health and isolation. I'm older, have also struggled (am still struggling) and while I don't have specific suggestions I want to acknowledge and encourage you for your awareness and for reaching out. It's timely for you I suspect - a combination of circumstances and your stage in life where change is happening and you'd like a sense of control and positivity. 

Actually I do have one suggestion - have you considered a companion animal? Dogs in particular are not only good in themselves but open opportunities to interact with others at puppy school,  at dog parks and on walks.

Nice to see you  here, I hope you have a look around the forums and connect with other forumites. 

[NoWayBack]

Hi, I'm glad you've found this forum. It is very helpful to know you are not alone in your life challenges. 

 Not getting a decent sleep can have a huge impact on mental capacity to deal with situations and changes, as does chronic physical aches and pains. It can help to try to find places or activities that you can relax into or recharge with. It won't fix the problem but it might allow for a counter balance to the draining feelings.

 I find education and learning as much as possible about diagnosed or suspected conditions can help to understand a way to overcome them or at least recognise the influence they have on behaviour and emotional life. 

Every action you take towards feeling better is a positive step and also helps others in their journey of self actualization. 

[windecho]

Thanks @MatchaToad  for your thoughtful response to my message. I appreciate the kind words greatly. I kept some things you mentioned in mind at work today which was helpful and encouraging.

It feels like a heavy load and complicated mess. Hearing from someone who understands feels reassuring. Thanks again. I dont feel so hard on myself after reading your response.

I'll try to be more gentle on myself. My psychologist today echoed the same thing, dont try to solve everything now just take it one step at a time.

[Taali]

Dear @windecho welcome to the forum. You will find many understanding and supportive friends here 

I'm not quite up and about yet this morning 

So I will just say hello and thank you for sharing your journey with us. 

Here's a little song 🎵 to help you this morning 

Taali 💙 

@NoWayBack @Dimity @MatchaToad 

https://open.spotify.com/track/2Lb9ww5vZAnveWnrFQfAKR?si=5r368QcCT9SdvjsUAz-Qkw&context=spotify%3Apl...

[windecho]

Hey @Taali, 

Thanks for sharing the song. I was listening to it while traveling in my work van today and it felt uplifting.

Heres a song from my playlist in return,

https://open.spotify.com/track/6wDOhiIwYDQvvn2ozXYeC0

[windecho]

Hi @Dimity,

Thanks for your thoughtful words, I appreciate it. It seems like everything started caving in within a short time frame and so much is happening at once. The mental health issues worsen and it all seems to snowball. Its reassuring to hear from someone who understands so thank you. 

I have thought about a companion pet. Truthfully the thing that makes me a little reluctant is my OCD when it comes to handling animals. Cats are a bit easier to look after so perhaps thats an option.  

[windecho]

Hi @Taali, 

Thanks for sharing the song. I was listening to it today while driving in my work van and it felt uplifting. 

I have a song from my playlist to share in return,

https://open.spotify.com/track/6wDOhiIwYDQvvn2ozXYeC0