Lived Experience Forum

[LostAngel]

hi everyone Ive been on holiday for a few days now  seeeing family that I havent seen for such a long timethe first day was tireing but good I managed to somehow get safely to where we needed to go  the first day or so was good,but then as things go something is always bound to happen it seems at just the wrong momment long story short there ended up being some family conflictwhich I think mostly everyone else got over it but it took me alot of time than everyone else as it messed with my feelings and thoughts made me feel down,humilited,upset and very quiet,wanting to be alone cause I had trouble trying to process things of what had happend  I felt responsibile for the fact that my youngest brother whos a 13 year old teenager decided to make a bad choice which ment another family member got injured to the point of needing some first aid and this happend during a fun family activity of all times,theres was quite a few family close family friends who saw what happend as well as myself seeing what happend but anyway I just felt so bad,we where all having fun one minute and then that happend I heard and saw my older cousin who is almost 30 years old absolutely swearing and screaming at my youngest brother,which both shocked me and sort of shamed me so then my reaction was I went completely quiet and left the area where everyone else was mind you this happend in a family members backyard that we are staying with during this trip which didnt help matters either,so anyway I then yelled openly blaming myself and telling everyone it was my fault ,the injured family member left and went home,I went to my room and stayed away from everyone for a while,but not before giving my brother a stern talking to about my brothers actions but I felt responsible for his actions out of wanting to proctect my little brother,anyway I stayed quiet and away from everyone else,had a bit of a cry,started thinking a bit stupid like I felt like taking off in my car for a drive around the area by myself then I had 3 different family members one after another knocking on my door to check on me I just told them each a lie about being ok when I wasnt ok cause I didnt want anymore drama,but thats my thing that I usually do when things go bad I tend to want to just run or self loath over it,pretty much put my emotional walls up very quickly,eventually I got out my room and rejoined family for some dinner but then the family member that got injured came back around but didnt say anything to me and things got too aukward for me so I went back to my room again  

[SJT63]

Hey @LostAngel ain't that the truth about families. My lot are fine and I really like his family, but there's a lot of past baggage for  him with his sister that always brings him undone for days afterwards.

This year with the state borders being so volatile I convinced everyone that we'd just go down on the day (about 3 hours each way) rather than stay 3 or 4 nights and everyone was able to keep it together for the few hours we were actually there.

Otherwise Mr S would have spent a lot of time hiding and self-loathing as well, and then taken to his bed for a week after we got back.

Small doses is the answer.

Conflict is horrible under any circumstances and when it is between people you love I know my first instinct is to run and  hide.

I'm truly sorry it all went pear shaped for you and I hope that you'll be able to move on soon. My experience is that things that are huge in my own mind barely register with the people I think I've offended or hurt. 

Forgive yourself. 

[LostAngel]

 hi @SJT63 today is an improovement thank you for understanding x