Hey @LostAngel ain't that the truth about families. My lot are fine and I really like his family, but there's a lot of past baggage for him with his sister that always brings him undone for days afterwards.
This year with the state borders being so volatile I convinced everyone that we'd just go down on the day (about 3 hours each way) rather than stay 3 or 4 nights and everyone was able to keep it together for the few hours we were actually there.
Otherwise Mr S would have spent a lot of time hiding and self-loathing as well, and then taken to his bed for a week after we got back.
Small doses is the answer.
Conflict is horrible under any circumstances and when it is between people you love I know my first instinct is to run and hide.
I'm truly sorry it all went pear shaped for you and I hope that you'll be able to move on soon. My experience is that things that are huge in my own mind barely register with the people I think I've offended or hurt.
Forgive yourself.