Feeling trapped

[Bear00]

I feel so trapped with my cptsd.

so many has changed since I last posted. I got discharged from the psych ward, quit my job at the student accommodation I used to live, I moved out to my friend’s apartment, and I got a new job.

Those are good change but I feel so burned out. also I feel so overwhelmed by the deferred exam coming next week Saturday. 

and in addition to all, there is always my cptsd.

i just want to live pretending that nothing traumatic happened in my past. I had enough of this. I tried to imagine containing all of my trauma into a locked box but I don’t even want to carry the box in my imagination.

sorry for the messy sentences. 

I am not okay but I don’t want to drain my friends and don’t know where to ask for help. I don’t know what to do 

[Jynx]

Hey @Bear00 not sure if we've spoken before, but good to see you reaching out n connecting when things are feeling rough. 

From what you've said, there's been quite a bit of change in your life of late! Often these kinds of transitional periods - even if it's all positive stuff - can still leave us feeling a bit destabilised and can also lower our resilience/threshold for frustration and emotion. 

It's okay to not really know how to navigate this. You've already done yourself a solid by reaching out here - this is definitely a community that can understand these kinds of feelings 💜

I hope even just writing this out has helped you feel a little lighter 😊

[Till23]

Hi @Bear00 I don't think I have chatted with you before, so hello.

My goodness you have done a LOT recently.

You have recently been in hospital, changed accommodation, changed jobs, that's heaps and obviously kept studying wih an exam coming up that's HUGE - anyone would feel burnt out and as you say there's still the cPTSD.

I lived for decades with my stuff shoved in a box, it sounds like it could work, and it can to an extent. It helped me study and get jobs, but it still slowly infiltrated my whole life. When I put the stuff in the box I put bits of me in there and I did not have a rounded life, I studied and worked so I could keep the lid on. At times I could not keep lid on and went to hospital, but I got the lid back on and continued with my life, now many decades later after getting cancer I am not able to keep the lid on and am dealing with my stuff.

I missed out on many things.

So I suppose what I'm saying is, sometimes it is OK to put the lid on the box, like to get through a course or something, but it's also OK to not, and seek help now.

Do you have psychological support since you've been discharged?

That's someone, that's not a friend you can talk to, the forums are also a great place but we are all peers, so not trained, but have lived experience.

I'm assuming your at uni or college so there should be student support as well.

Do you need to defer your exam further? Student support should be able to help with that.

That is some things I just thought of quickly. If you want to discuss more, please feel free.

[Bear00]

@Jynx thank you for your reply

i feel a little better sharing my thoughts in this community and feeling seen

[Bear00]

@Till23 thank you for your reply and sharing bit of your experiences

yes I see my psychiatrist almost every week after I got discharged.

Unfortunately my exam cannot be deferred further but I got a special consideration which could help me pass the unit. 

[Till23]

Oh that's good on two fronts @Bear00 regular psychiatric care and special consideration. Do not be afraid to use special consideration. I used to work as a course co-ordinator at a uni, so I actually know that you won't be penalised for it. I assume then that your psychiatrist has already supplied something to get special consideration.

Feel free to share as much or as little as you like on the forums. I am going to hit the hay (old people's lingo for go to bed) pretty soon, but happy to chat further tomorrow etc.

I don't know if you are aware but currently, although you can post after midnight it will not be released on forums until after 6am the next morning (there is currently a shortgae of overnight moderators). So no one will reply to you until after at least 6am if you post after midnight.

[Jynx]

Hi @Bear00 - glad to hear it 😊 

How are you travelling today? I'm hanging about till 10 if you feel like chatting 😉

[Bear00]

@Jynx I’m feeling terrible but I’m trying my best to just stay.

[Till23]

I am also here until about 10pm @Bear00 

[Jynx]

Sometimes that's all we can do @Bear00  just keep trying to put one foot in front of the other. 

What do you tend to find helpful when you're feeling like this? Stuff like connecting to others, or grounding or breathing exercises, or anything like that?