Lack of progress

[C13]

I've recently been feeling like no matter what I do I can't seem to improve my mental state. I've been in the gym and trying to stay positive. I have a family who love me and friends who I can rely on. 

But how do you handle it when you're doing everything you can and no matter how hard you stick to it you still hate waking up every day. I've been struggling to get a job and when I do get one I struggle, I'm constantly depressed, I don't enjoy my hobbies anymore. I have to force my self out of bed. My bad decisions and past mistakes haunt me. I can't shake the memories of the stuff I've been through. I stay off social media as much as I can but even seeing people happy in public depresses me. I'm stuck taking a bunch of different medications that and have my long time GP and my long time psychiatrist telling me different things. I've been seeing psychologists for 11 years now and every single one hasn't been able to help me. I've put thousands of dollars that I not my family have into trying to fix things and no matter what I don't improve, I never improve. I'm 28 and I've done nothing and amounted to nothing. everyone asks me how I am and all I can say is "same old". I don't even know what I'm doing anymore.  I still feel lonely. I pray every day but I don't know what to do anymore. There is so much more on my mind but I guess I don't want to talk on a public forum about it 

[Whaledone321]

@C13 Sorry I don't have any advice but you're not alone feeling this way. Reading your post speaks to me, it's almost identical to myself. 

You should congratulate yourself for any wins you can. You said you have managed to get jobs, you struggle but still manage to get out of bed. These are wins as far as im concerned and better than what I have been able to achieve recently. 

Reading your post and knowing that you're still able to get things done is inspiring and you should be proud of yourself.

[jrn]

Hi @C13 , I have to agree with @Whaledone321 

It's the little things, even the smallest of wins that matter.

I even go to the point of saying "you woke up, you opened your eyes, I may feel bad, and I may be fighting the Black Dog for another day. But I am still here, I am safe, I may not feel strong, but the fact that I opened my eyes means there is still strength in me"

I find acceptance of the emotions helps alot. Its ok to feel 5% ok and 95% not ok. Presence is the key, no matter how small it is. You are still in this. 

I have faith in you. Stay strong my friend. 

[BellaBoo2]

Heya. It sounds like a tuff place to sit. I commend you in reaching out and being vulnerable to discuss where you are at and how you are feeling. That takes courage! Can you take some pressure off yourself and look at the raw you, and your basic strength and courage that you reached out, in this space, and showed up for yourself. You did that! Well done you!