I really do not like the physical effects of depression. I feel like I can hardly breathe. The agonising straining in my throat. I have a very painful lower back strain on a facet joint and have limited movement. I bought a grabby stick from the chemist, to get things off the floor. My mind is making me panic about the slow healing. There are so many things I need to be doing in regard to my daughter and her NDIS. I said goodbye to my oldest son, who is a supervisor in asia. He returing to that work in asia that is not safe in my opinion. I know my son was just a bandaid on my low moods. But I had new focus and he filled a void. I love his company so much, we would talk philosophy, the big bang, the galaxies and make curries. I had not seen him for 12 months and he was home for 8 weeks. His dad is concerned about this working conditions and safety as I am. The heaviness in my body is so strong, it hurts. I have my husbnd and my daughter, but I am lonely, whats with that? I want to go to bed and not come out.