Lived Experience Forum

[Dark_Olena]

I really do not like the physical effects of depression. I feel like I can hardly breathe. The agonising straining in my throat. I have a very painful lower back strain on a facet joint and have limited movement. I bought a grabby stick from the chemist, to get things off the floor. My mind is making me panic about the slow healing. There are so many things I need to be doing in regard to my daughter and her NDIS. I said goodbye to my oldest son, who is a supervisor in asia.  He returing to that work in asia that is not safe in my opinion. I know my son was just a bandaid on my  low moods. But I had new focus and he filled  a void. I love his company so much, we would talk philosophy, the big bang, the galaxies and make curries. I had not seen him for 12 months and he was home for 8 weeks. His dad is concerned about this working conditions and safety as I am. The heaviness in my body is so strong, it hurts. I have my husbnd and my daughter, but I am lonely, whats with that? I want to go to bed and not come out.

[girasole]

Hey @Dark_Olena, I'm sorry to hear about the painful & uncomfortable symptoms you're experiencing  I'm wondering if you have a good GP and mental health professional to support you?

Loneliness is unfortunately quite common; sending lots of support to you 💐

I'm a bit concerned for how you're going at the moment, so I will also follow up with an email.

[Appleblossom]

Hey @Dark_Olena 

Your son sounds like a wonderful man and the world needs more of them.  I can understand your concern about safety.  Will you be able to keep in regular contact?

[Dark_Olena]

@Appleblossom  Hi,   My son is currently in asia somewhere doing a 5 day quarantine. We can zoom each fortnight while he is away. Now he is gone I focus inward on my struggle and mind negativity. My son is quiet rare, not your mainstream. He has a curious and facinating mind, and is a gentlemen.

[Dark_Olena]

Hi, @girasole Thankyou for your support. I just want some decent sleep, post menopause keeps me awake for some hours nearly each night and along with the back ache. Now my son is gone, and that focus, my sad mind will drag me down. I just want this back ache gone. Something about facet joints. I just feel so hopeless.  when I feel  the pain and a tightness shift but then only to return next mid morning. I also have a really negative mind set, because hope used to be my light, but years have shown that hope is no where.

[Jynx]

@Dark_Olena honestly it's so hard when chronic pain is there, like a simmering reminder of all the challenges you have to work through. Plus with you body in a state of flux and change at present, it's bound to bring up a lot of really difficult feelings. Maybe you haven't got a lot of strength to keep holding onto hope right now - but even just in connecting with folks here, there is evidence of some part of you still retaining hope. We can walk with you through this darkness