Playing On The Tracks

[Historylover]

Thanks for your support, @creative_writer. The trouble is, I've been trained to be very strong, so I am like the Eveready bunny—perhaps that's more appropriate than I like to think about—I just keep going and going...

I see you've been a member of the forum for quite a while, yet I don't recall crossing paths before.

I used to suffer migraines too, but thankfully I outgrew them, and I can honestly say that I have not had a headache since. All or nothing! 

[Historylover]

Thanks, @Kyle1. Words almost fail to express my dismay at the 'people' in my real world life and environment. Such a lack of humanity, of integrity. How do people take all and give as little as they can get away with—just enough to keep me going as long as possible while I serve their purpose. I justly describe myself as a prisoner of circumstance and there is no escape. Why? Why is it that my life is to serve other's purpose while I eke out mere existence. And why can't I change this situation? I really can't. I have tried everything. I refused to believe it couldn't be changed. If someone would like to rescue me in the real world, I would be very grateful.  

I'm just feeling fed up. Deeply hurt, disillusioned and disgusted. 

[Kyle1]

"oh, the world is so cold

Don't care nothin for your soul..." as the song goes.

@Historylover sounds like you could really do with a proper friend or two in your real world. 

[Historylover]

I don't need anyone to tell me I have worth, @Jynx. I know I have worth. That's the problem. If I had low self-worth, there would again be people who would 'tolerate' me but, as I know my worth, I am too difficult for them to control and manipulate.

My dilemma could have been solved long ago if I had surrendered to being trod under foot again. That was all I have ever known. I prefer this situation to anything I have ever known before. This hell is preferable—which speaks clearly of my previous existence. 

I love being part of this community, too, @Jynx. I guess, today, I am just giving expression of my traumatized self. I'm alright. I am just disgusted by what passes as 'family', and as 'humanity'.

No, no private e-mails please. My friends are here in full view.

[creative_writer]

@Historylover, I think those of us with MH have to become very strong to fight our daily demons. I joined sometime last year, I've seen you around too, but it was nice to meet you on the forums finally.

Migraines are pesky, I am happy that you were able to outgrow them. I have heard it does get easier for some people with time. I think today is an outlier, migraines haven't been so bad lately

@Kyle1, I love how you talk poetry

[Historylover]

Wow! There is really a lot of suffering expressed in modern lyrics, @Kyle1. To think that, once, minstrels used to sing of love and earthly delights. Times have certainly changed!!

A 'proper friend' @Kyle1? What's that? 

[Historylover]

My demons are all external, @creative_writer. I wish I could catch and cage them all!! 

[Kyle1]

actually, those lyrics are from a somewhat older Irish song @Historylover 

A proper friend? Yeah...

[creative_writer]

@Historylover, some people can be difficult 😔. Sitting with you 💖🫂

[Historylover]

'Modern' in historical terms though, @Kyle1?

You inspired me to make waffles this morning, and I was going to check back to say waffles cooked,✔️, now a chocolate cake, but all didn't go well. I found out that the reason my last batch didn't work was because my waffle maker is kaput. So, no more waffles. I had intended to make a chocolate cake while I was full of your inspiration, but the waffles disrupted my enthusiasm. Perhaps tomorrow. I was even going to insist on our going for a walk! 

I spent the rest of the day indulging in YouTube videos. When I do these things I enjoy, I really wouldn't give my existence up for anything less. If people can't add to my life, what is the purpose of them?