Lived Experience Forum

[Mirkwood]

Hello there! 

I'm a student doctor in my second last year and have inattentive ADHD. I have 2 beautiful boys but last year my wife and I lost a baby at 19 weeks, and I've found that my discipline is all out of whack since then.  

I'm hoping to find a highly motivated accountability partner (perhaps someone who is also working and/or studying?) with whom I can do a reciprocal daily/bidaily check-ins. Ideally it would involve exchanging lists of the things we want to get done, and then also probing what happened with the items that did not get done/scrutinising what happened. The idea being to hopefully prevent 'hiding' things I really could have gotten done in the mental fog.

I'm a big fan of stoicism, memes, medicine (duh), and DnD/miniatures/board games. 

If it's something you're interest in, please let me know!

[tyme]

Hey there @Mirkwood ,

Welcome to the forums! I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your baby at 19 wks. It must have been a stressful time.

You'll find people here from all walks of life. I'm sure you'll find an accountability partner/s here 🙂

I wouldn't mind sending you check-ins when I'm online 🙂

How does that sound?

[Zoe7]

Hi @Mirkwood I am not on here every day but would be able to do check ins with you a few times a week. I work full time and have some other commitments during the week but am on here more on weekends. Happy to be a sounding board and to be a buddy to do check ins as a weekly summary if that would help. Let me know what you think 😁

[tyme]

Hi @Mirkwood ,

How are you today?

[tyme]

Hi @Mirkwood ,

I know it's mother's day today which may be a difficult time for you and your family so I just wanted to check in to see how you are going.

How are your studies going, and how are things for you today?

[Mirkwood]

Thank you both kindly @tyme and @Zoe7 - your help sounds great! 

The day went well, managed to get the kids to help do some artwork for my wife and it turned out really nicely. Had a quiet weekend focused on family time and now I have a frantic week to set up for. 

Unfortunately, our youngest has got the flu and his nose is currently moonlighting as a fountain, so I am missing my first day of my surgery rotation but I am trying to roll with the punches and not let shame get the better of me. I am trying to use the day productively, without succumbing to procrastination.

Anxious about tasks:

• Log into my university email:
  Often feel shame and guilt about not responding to things in time, and sort of leave emails in this foggy mental territory where they hang over me all day.
  
  
• Work:
  Need to send off some invoices and also a letter of support for a client (disability support). Often reluctant to start these jobs as I know they can blow out if not properly monitored
  
  
• Need to set aside time for revision on the Flashcard App ANKI:
  I'm really good at learning things but have no set routine on when to revise them. More broadly I am criminally behind on having a study routine, mostly doing ad-hoc stuff. 
  
  
• Behind on bills, currently in negative funds. 
  Need to sort payment plans and the likes, also look at selling some stuff acutely. 

High-yield tasks:

• Write a "To do, Because?" list
  If I write out what needs to happen it becomes a nebulous list, I have read that it can be beneficial for people with ADHD to explicitly write out why I am doing tasks
• Live life on Legendary difficulty?
  Think I can reframe my current circumstances as me merely playing on a harder difficulty! 

How can I help either of you? I'd love to know what you're hoping to achieve and help you monitor progress toward those goals.

All the best, Mirkwood 

[Zoe7]

@Mirkwood I have a medium sized whiteboard that I write everything on. It is divided into sections for work, home, etc. I like the whiteboard as I can rub things off as I do them and continue to add more when need be. It is a good size to be able to visually see what I need to do but small enough to put away when I need time to myself.

Today the only thing on my list is to get to my dental appointment and get my tooth sorted so I can hopefully be pain free very soon ...can't do much when we are in pain.

[Mirkwood]

Teeth and tooth ache are an enigma to me, the one part of the body that the care for was almost completely separated from medicine! I know it can be a hugely frustrating and oppressive thing to have to deal with, here's hoping the dentist can work some magic! Like the idea of a whiteboard, I tend to forget to put things down unless I write them down right away, so perhaps a digital whiteboard could be beneficial for me to try!  

[Zoe7]

That sounds like a good plan @Mirkwood I put things into notes on my phone then onto the whiteboard once I get home ...or my kids write on my hand so I don't forget lol They actually go into my office, grab a pen and write on my hand - more times than not I cannot actually read what they wrote but it reminds me of what was intended anyway. They are only grade 1/2s so spelling is not their strength.

[tyme]

Good evening @Mirkwood ,

How are you and your family? Your studies?

I wanted to check-in with you to see how things are going and to see if you wanted a chat or support in any way.

Parenthood can be stressful at the best of times, yet you have your studies on top of that. We hope that these forums will be a way you can unwind and connect with others.

Please take care.

Hi @Zoe7 🙂