Lived Experience Forum

[outlander]

No sleep here for abit @Sans911 is there anything i can help with? Happy to listen but happy to just sit too 💜
I can make a hot chocolate for us both ☕

[Sans911]

Way too hot here for hot drinks lil Sis @outlander but thanks for the offer.

Nothing can help anymore at this time. I'm done with trying to get better. I don't want another pyschologist again. I can't bear to start again. Four years I've been trying to get better, which some might say isn't that long, but it is for me. Especially if you add in I've lived my whole life with mental health issues. Tonight the tears fall easily because I've worked hard on my recovery only for it to mean?? I'm sorry I know I've always encouraged you to keep reaching out for help, keep trying to find those who understand you and are willing to help. I'm not a good role model right now. So don't do as I do. I'm so lost atm, so over it all, caring but not caring. Sorry if I'm rambling. I don't have anyone who gets this at the moment like you do. 💕 💕 💕

[outlander]

Your not rambling and no need for sorry either. You know, you don't need to be inspiring i love you for you not for being a good role model. Having an understandably hard time doesnt make me feel any less about you. @Sans911

Ive been at this for 3 yrs and honestly it feels like an eternity. A good day is thrown in there occassionally but mostly everyday feels like a challange

I get not wanting to change psychs over and over again. Ive been through quite a few of them and each time it really doesnt feel so good. I was really hoping that your psych would have contacted you by now, really dissapointed in her treatment towards you. Im guessing that maybe your thoughts revolve around her giving up on you? I havent given up on you 💕

I understand lost and caring but not caring too. They are really hard to navigate. It can be so tiring and upsetting not knowing what to do or where to go.

I will send you some of my extra special sis hugs. They are squishy but gentle. Good for hearts and souls that are hurting 💌💌💋💋

[Sans911]

I don't understand the lack of contact or explanation either @outlander hence my distress. I just want an answer. And I know my family and friends mean well but when they tell me to try again they don't understand the strength it takes to do that. And they fail to hear or understand me, and the efforts it takes to Iive each day as we do.

Real hugs would be so good right now but I'll settle for virtual especially from you. I'm sorry too that I haven't been around here much to support you and just 'be here'. I'm full of sorry aren't I? I'm just desperately trying to hold my :pile_of_poo: together and rapidly loosing it at the same time. There's much sadness here in the forums lately, and people are withdrawing to protect themselves and others. As you know, it's so hard to be here in distress as you don't want to bring others down. And the same when life turns a little better, and you want to celebrate.

I'm supposed to see my pdoc on Monday & half of my wants to ditch the appt, and the other half of me wants to see her. But for what? There's nothing she can do either.

[outlander]

Hearing you lots @Sans911 i know your distressed by this and half of what is causing you to feel all over the place. Its understandable that you want answers, i think thats normal and anyone would want the same thing in this situation.

Im glad your friends and family are there for you but yes being around others who dont understand can be tricky. I wouldn't wish anyone to have mental illness but its nice to have someone who actually gets it around too.

Its ok, you will be here when you can. I know it is hard to be here when distressed, not wanting to burden others, see many hurting and yes even when theres something to celebrate too.

I will encourage you to see your pdoc. It might be helpful to talk to someone about what is happening even if its just listening. She seems to actually care and be helpful

💕💕💕

[Sans911]

Thanks for understanding and listening @outlander. You are a remarkable young woman and I'm so privileged to know you. You should get a little extra sleep. And I'm going to finish my online colouring in and get zzzs myself. You have such a big place in my heart. These forum members are lucky to have you. 💜 ❤️ 💙 💜 💙

[outlander]

Aww your so sweet @Sans911 my feelings for you are mutual. You too have a big place in my heart.

Goodnight sis, ill be up for a while longer so ill sit with you till you fall asleep. 💜💜💜

[outlander]

@Sans911 💜💜💜

[outlander]

Would you like abit of company tonight? @Sans911 💌💌

[Sans911]

Evening lil Sis @outlander 💜 💜

I have been out at my two volunteer events. Super tired now. I've got an early morning appt at the hospital clinic then my pdoc appt before lunch.

I got an email from my pyschologist this morning. Apparently she didn't get my message from last Monday until Friday-she is using an admin service (not her practice partner as I thought) and they don't pass messages on until they hear from her or its an emergency. She said she's reduced her hours a lot so there must be some personal issue. Anyway, she will call tommorow (or that's the plan). Seems like reliabity might be an issue. Idk-see what happens.

I just saw your latest notification. I'll be awake for about another hour so company would be nice. I'm aiming for less broken sleep tonight. It's a lot cooler