Daughter won't go back to school

[jrn]

Hi, don't know if anyone can offer anything,  but my 14yo daughter is refusing to go back to school. She is enrolled and currently undergoing therapy.  She is trying to force us to home school her, but that is not a possibility.  Does anyone know anything about these sorts of situations?

[Snowie]

Hi @jrn 

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this with your daughter. It's good that you have her in therapy.

As a teacher myself I have seen numerous students refuse to attend school.

The school should have some sort of Wellbeing/guidance/welfare person. Most schools have them.

Perhaps trying to link your daughter in with them. They might be able to provide that extra support for her at school.

Another thing that could help is gradually go back to school. You could even try half days a few times a week. After awhile start increasing this time till she is back at school full time. The school should be able to support you in this.

I'm not sure if this will help but perhaps discuss it with the school. They might have a few ideas too that you can do to help your daughter.

[tyme]

Sorry to hear how hard it is for you all @jrn .

@Snowie  made some great suggestions in terms of a modified timetable. If in high school, sometimes they like a later start.

Otherwise, have you heard of Indie School? They are an alternative setting Australia wide and I know kids who go there who really love it there.

Might be worth having a look?

[chibam]

Hi @jrn . 🙂

Do you mind if I ask what the issue is with going to school? Is it bullying?

[ArraDreaming]

I have kids a lot younger than yours but I I will say I understand the struggle as we have one that has found it difficult to get to school from before he even started primary school and we are in our 3rd year of school n now

[jrn]

@chibam she has said everything from the teachers don't pay attention to her, to she feels alone. Alot of it has been put down from her Psychologist as part of her likely ADHD and BPD diagnosis. 

Also our daughter has said she just doesn't like it. There are alternatives for her but we have had ot explained to us the therapy has to be more underway before any sort of transition can take place.

[ArraDreaming]

I have a brother that struggles so much with school and is so disengaged they have him for an hour 2 x a week… @jrn and building up from there

[chibam]

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@jrn wrote:

There are alternatives for her but we have had ot explained to us the therapy has to be more underway before any sort of transition can take place.

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Ugh. Beaurocratic red tape. Don'tcha love it? 😒

Even though she can't get there right away, has your daughter had a good look at these alternatives, to see if any of them are something she might be able to look forward to?

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@jrn wrote:

@chibam she has said everything from the teachers don't pay attention to her, to she feels alone

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Lol. It used to be the opposite in my day; it was when the teachers did pay attention to you that life got ugly.

It sounds like maybe she's starved for connection. Does she have many friends at school? If not, is there any sort of way she might be able meet new people outside of school?

[jrn]

@chibam 

She does have some decent friends outside of school now that she has moved on from a toxic relationship. 

The new friends have left school but are of the correct age to do so, and have full time work. (Side note, if it is my daughters wish to become independent at an early age, I would be proud of her to do so, but it has to be "legal" and she needs the tools to manage herself).

She does have friends at school, but the toxic relationship has alienated her, the other person did not attend school and is somewhat of a "predator", they have done the same thing with many of the teenagers we know in our  area. It is going to be a process, we have a couple of good psychologists on board, one for my daughter alone, and one that is going to work with us as a family. 

It's  just a real battle at the moment,  and I think we all need to understand things won't chage with the click of our fingers. Our daughter needs to realise that, and I think my wife and I need to be a bit more accepting of the impatience of our teenager lol.

[Rovja]

Its possible she is being bullied at school or doesnt "fit in" with the people or way they teach.

I think you should listen to her and take her seriously and respect her and her will.

Maybe a mobtessori school or differentvtype of learning or apprentisship or home schooling best for her.

Some of the most successful people ever did not have traditionsl schooling.

School might be unbarably painful for her.