Lived Experience Forum

[Paradoxymoron]

Hi all,

I'm seeking advice/support/comments regarding how those with BPD deal with "splitting".

I was diagnosed with BPD a long time ago and have been on a long journey of self discovery. I discovered that the best way for me to deal with splitting is to basically avoid relationships with other humans as much as possible. Loneliness used to be an issue for me, but I'm 48 now and have gotten over the loneliness. I've also found many ways to enjoy my own company.

However, we can't always be alone and I struggle with how to cope with being in the world amongst others (especially going to work and the limited occasions that I do engage in social situations). I find that so many things about human connection trigger me into "splitting". I don't really project this so much anymore (I just disengage and retreat), but I end up becoming stuck in a space where my thoughts and feelings become seriously confused and overwhelming and I feel really bad about myself. This pattern has reduced my self confidence so much over the years that I'm now lacking the confidence to get a proper job. I feel comfortable doing volunteer work, but have no confidence to even know anymore how to get back into paid work.

I'd love to hear from anyone who can relate and possibly offer suggestions.

Thankyou. 

[tyme]

Hey there @Paradoxymoron ,

I guess I myself have experienced this. I spent much of my life telling myself I loved my own company because going 'out there' meant I could get hurt. 

Over time, I realised I got worse being on my own. Yes, I did love and still love living on my own, but I did not reach out to people to connect with others which meant my thoughts got caught up in my own head - and that did more harm than good.

I worked with a psychologist on challenging some of these beliefs that I had to stay by myself. I slowly began to reach out more and more. I volunteered here on SANE forums - it brought me so much comfort. Hence I'm still here, but as a paid peer support worker!

As for getting a job, I never had issues with work because I was extremely capable and independent. I wasn't there to make friends which meant I got a lot of work done and didn't need to necessarily 'please people'.....

If you thrive on volunteering, perhaps it's about finding work that you thrive in too?

[Appleblossom]

@Paradoxymoron

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTnmroaWf2w 

Do any of the ideas in this podcast resonate for you?

They do not mention splitting but it seemed related to unpacking feelings ... which could relate to seeing things as all one thing or an opposite ...

[ANON12]

I hear you! I keep trying and trying to get jobs to make up for what feels like yonks being unwell and end up worse off mentally

[Jasper_123]

Hi @Paradoxymoron - I have BPD and the way I manage it is to develop my rational thinking muscle. I know that I cannot always trust my own feelings and reactions to things. I know that the cause of my splitting is usually those closest to me so I've learned to be a better communicator and for me the main one has been to learn when I need a break - for me taking a ten minute walk outside to fume and think and rationalise means I am way less likely to bite somebodies head off (and then feel super guilty and destructive later) I think it's easy to say we are happy alone but the joys of human connection are beautiful.