Lived Experience Forum

[Ash11]

Hi all, Im struggling to get out of bed today. I've had a bad few days of self destructing, now trying to recover from the self inflicted trama i've put myself through. I feel lonely and afraid to talk to anyone at the same time. So I'm finding these forums helpful. As supportive as my family and friends are for me there's always this fear of judgement or that deep down they're sick of hearing the same story and I get it, they just want me to be well and happy. It's hard for them too. 

Last week i was doing well, I was fairly productive and had a bit of a routine going on for awhile but then relationship pressures knocked me off track again-feeling guilty for not being mentally healthy enough to work and help financially, feeling guilty for relying on my partner for soo much, feeling guilty too that i can't seem to talk to an old friend of mine who's now mad at me. So much guilt! 

Anyway I dont want to push myself to much today...I know all to well the recovery process is slow and it requires gentleness. But is seems theres a fine line between gentleness and not doing anything. Guess i struggle not knowing whats what? something that may be good for me might not be gentle for me...such as exercise for example. Doing nothing productive may be gentle on me but not so good for me...hmmm anyone else struggle with this?

[NikNik]

Hi @Ash11

I'm glad you find this community helpful 🙂
So many people can relate - so much so that there are numerous threads on goal setting:

Exercise and goal setting

Goal setting for people recovering from MI

Daily goals, motivation and check in

I think you raise a good point:

'But is seems theres a fine line between gentleness and not doing anything'

I think you have to hit a mid point with this - create small achievable goals, and break them down into chunks give them a go! In my experience, the 'gentleness' comes in when we're being too tough on ourselves - whether that be because we didn't achieve something, things are going too slow and/or if a backward step is taken. That's just my thoughts though 🙂

I'd be keen what others think about this too.

[Ash11]

Thank you! @NikNik I really appreciate your thoughts!! It's given me another perspective 😊

[Ellu]

Dear Confused and Struggling,

I can identify with the guilt and loneliness you are going through. MI is very isolating. Sometimes we don't know whether it is better to take it easy and heal or try to do something in the community to get us back on track. I have done both. I have had bi-polar disorder for 47 years, and there are times I simply havent been able to get out of bed. Other times, when I have been feeling better, I have managed to get out and do something and that has given me enormous encouragement. You know your family and friends love you whatever space you are in. There is no judgement involved - they wouldn't judge you if you had diabetes or some other ailment, would they?

Please put away the guilt. I know I have felt guilty sometimes, but I am who I am and over the years I have convinced myself that I am a worthwhile individual. When you are up to it, it is a good idea to seek out some undemanding community work to do - you will be with people, doing something worthwhile,and it will do wonders for your self esteem.

Guilt is so  destructive, especially when you are laying it on yourself. You have absultely nothing to feel guilty about.. You have to acknowledge that you are a worhwhile, valuable human being. You do the best you can, and no-one can ask more than that of you. You are who you are, and there is no point in wishing anything else. Accept yourself for who you are and do what you can - it sounds corny, but you have to love yourself - all the rest will follow.

Ellu

[Ash11]

Ah thank you @Ellu! Very true. I have started to do better...and am learning to forgive myself and find my spirit. I know that guilt is the ego and I'm working to not let it control me...and you are right that getting involved in community things and talking to others will help with this. Thank you soo much again for your valuable feedback!

[Kimmr]

Yes l feel for you, l suffer the same, but l cannot get out of my room, l have panic attacks and anxiety all part of my illness, l am in a hospital at the moment, which l have been in and out of for the past 35yrs, it is brilliant, lots of self help groups, DBT, CBT, ACT and many more they help me imensly