Lived Experience Forum

[Atalanta]

When I have gone through suicidal periods, one of the things that scares me more than death is ending up in hospital. I have never been hospitalized for mental health reasons. My fear of hospital is so great that I refuse to call crisis lines or get help in any way. Coming here was the closest I have come to risking hospital. I can't live with this fear cause in the end, it may be the reason that pushes me over the edge.

So, tell me the truth...if you have been in hospital for suicide, is it really bad...good? The truth. What actually happens? I heard that the staff don't care and are cold and they try to get you out asap, no matter how bad you are. That you could be sharing with people who are psychotic or schizophrenic having bad episodes.

If I have to go, what will happen.

[MissG]

@Atalanta I'm really glad you brought this up and at the same time my heart goes out to you because to be in a place where you dont feel you can talk about whats really going on for you can be tough to say the least. Only in the last few weeks I started opening up to a support worker about how I had feared the consequences of spilling my feelings when I was in what I will call my 'dark space'.

I have been in hospital several times over the years in different hospitals and for starters I can tell you they are changing. I haven't been for a while now though which has been a sign that recovery can be a journey. They are definitely different than they were years ago. Ummmm my first stay was in the 80's so yep thank goodness they are progressing. When people talk about hospital sometimes it isnt always first hand and sometimes people may be referring to how jhospiptal was years ago....  not all the time but sometimes. 

I have no horror stories to tell. I have met people who are in hospital for different reasons of course. There are usually people I don't have anything to do with, people I say 'Hi' to, and ppl who end up being my 'Buds', One admission I spent most of my time in my room (shared room) sitting in the corner drawing as I did'nt really want anything to do with anyone. Can be similar in general hospitals I guess when I think about it.

Some hospitals have more activities and group etc. than there used to be which takes care of the boredom factor ... Consumer Peer Support workets are fantastic and I would have loved one when I was in hospital. I could talk about experiences in ospoital all night but it's turning into an essay.

The most important thing is for starters to be honest with yourself. I know it's hard but if you don't feel safe then talkng to somebody really the best thing you can do...  I would have to say that it feels better in hospital than it does to be at home feeling scared and/or unsafe and alone...

If you have a worker or somebody you can trust then opening up t them would be a good place to start. To wrap this up  will say that fera of hospital is much wors than being there if somebody isn't well. I hope this helped in some way. Take Care 

[utopia]

@Atalanta. I went to a Psych Hospital last year when I couldn't controly suicidal thoughts. By that stage - I desperately wanted to be in a place where I was kept safe. As I really didn't want to die.
My hospital was a private hospital - paid for by Workcover. They had single and shared rooms. I was in a share - but half the time I had the room to myself.
I found the staff to be brilliant. They were helpful and non judgemental and when I threw a tantrum at one point (hey, it happens) - they didn't blink an eyelid.
They monitored my news meds and my moods and my therapy. They were always free to talk with.
The hospital ran great therapy classes during the day - Monday to Friday. Weekends were long and boring and hard to get through.
We only had one guy at the hospital who most of us were very uncomfortable being around. And the nurses had him moved to a public hospital and into the locked ward.
I've heard some people say there is a big difference between the public and private hospitals.
If you do need to go to a public hospital - the best ones wiuld be where they have two distinct separate wards. A locked ward - generally very unwell patients and normally not voluntary patients.
And the general psych ward where patients may be voluntary and are medication compliant.
If you are feeling suicidal and need some help - I strongly recommend a hospital stay.
It literally saved my life.
I'm forever grateful that I got into that hospital. I don't regret going there at all.

[Kurra]

Interesting @Atalanta that you are concerned about sharing with someone who may be psychotic or schizophrenic. Those are merely labels. I believe it is essential to remember that we are all people. By the way : I have periods when I'm psychotic.

As for being in hospital - sometimes it's necessary and in reality the best place if your world is inside out and upside down.

[Atalanta]

@MissG, @utopia thanks for sharing your stories. It doesn't sound too bad. What was it like when you came out, with your family? Were they judging you, frightened of you/for you?

@Kurra, all of the above, plus, sorry if I caused offense, it's not intended...maybe, it would help if you knew that I get nervous around drunk people. Being a control freak that I am, any hint of anything being out of order or out of control scares me to no end...lol, which is kind of crazy in itself.

[MissG]

@Atalanta when I came out there were mixed responses. Mostly it wasn't spoken of. My Mum 'overcared' which I found quite condescending. I had to tell her to stop as it felt like she was overtaking my life. My Dad was just 'kind' to me. My sisters never mention it. With my friends it was business as usual. I didn't really speak about it and figured it wasn't really relevant. When we share our experiences it does we do make ourselves a bit (or alot) vulnerable so I choose what to share and when. I didn't find any of it worse than when I went in that's for sure 😉

[MissG]

p.s I agree with what @Kurra said... psychotic and schitzophrenic are labels. To add to that... when people are in hospital they are in a somewhat controlled or 'safe' environment for want of a better word. People are on closely monitored medications as needed to settle symptoms if thats the right way to put it... Ive sat and had convos with quite a few people who have had these labels without even knowing it untol later when theyve told me 🙂

[Phoenix_Rising]

Hi @Atalanta,

Sadly, based on my experiences, your fears are well founded. I have BPD and there is still a lot of stigma associated with that diagnosis - with most of that stigma happening IN the mental health system. I have had 40+ psychiatric admissions over the past twenty years and now most of my trauma-related issues are due to my experiences in the system (with staff, never with other patients), rather than the events that brought me into contact with the system in the first place.

All of my admissions have been brief (i.e. 2-3 nights) and in public hospitals. Early on, my admissions were all involuntary. Later, as I gained more insight, I would go to the hospital seeking support and they would just send me away.

I think people probably have very different experiences depending on their diagnosis. It also very much depends on the individual hospital - they vary a LOT!

My current psychologist and my GP know how traumatizing my experiences in hospital have been, and they are both very aware that having me scheduled would be the worst possible outcome if I am in crisis. Thus I feel really safe talking to them about my suicidal ideation. I know that they would still call emergency services if they felt they needed to in order to protect their own careers, but I can't see how it could ever come to that because they and I both know that if I make a calm rational decision to suicide, I will simply do it without telling anyone. As long as I am still asking for help, they know I am working really hard with them to keep myself alive.

[utopia]

@Atalanta.
just like @MissG - my mum was hovering a bit. But she did it before I went to hospital as well. I have to keep telling her to back off.
My friends have been supportive. No judgements. They are just happy that I sought help and that I'm alive.
There is no shame in having a MI. And there is no shame in needing to go to hospital.
If you had cancer or any other physical injury and you needed a hospital admission - you would go.

[Former-Member]

Hi there @Atalanta.

Unfortunately my one hospital experience was awful. It was the most disheartening, sad, cold, miserable place around. I loved the people there though and was able to find some amazing moments that will stick with me forever. I found myself connecting with people and having some of the most meaningful conversations I've had. I transferred to a recovery centre and found that was much more therapeutic. The idea of hospital is also part of what terrifies me at the moment too, so much so that any safety plan I make, I feel I wouldn't be able to stick through. Like @Phoenix_Rising, my psych is also aware that hospital would potentially do more harm than good for me is it is the ultimate lack of control for me which, given my circumstances could tip me over. I'm stuck too.

I wish I had something helpful to offer, but I'm with you again at least.