Lived Experience Forum

[Fleurburra]

Hi,

I am bipolar and work as a professional. I have been diagnosed for several years now, and after a change of medication for the better of my physical health, my moods are in control but I feel as if I don't take the time to respond - they delayed response has left my body.

I am having difficulty at work. The origin of conflict I am engaged in is genuine, but my response has been incredibly poor. This escalated today. I feel significant guilt over my actions. I have even written my version of the core issue that created the conflict, actions to address core issues and suggestions of my behaviour.

I have had colleagues identify my behaviour as bipolar. I feel like their is a stigma associated with bipolar. I am concerned I may be asked to justify my behaviour, in which instance I.accpet it was wrong. But I am having severe anxiety of what discipline may occur, how I have presented my self and if I will be asked if I have a mental illness. 

I struggle with guilt for my wrongdoings. I thought writing out a reflection of the conflict and my role would take this away. All this has done is increase anxiety about outcomes that may come. 

Are there tested ideas that people use when they are unable to stop playing over and over issues? I have plenty to do this weekend - kids sport, study, be prepared for next week and ideally relax. I would like to put my mind in another frame - I have no control until I am spoken to. 

Please help me cope with this intense feeling I am having. I do not want it to escalate to the point where I "want  to get away" from an intense feeling that I can not manage. 

Thanks in advance for any feedback. 

[Former-Member]

Not sure if it is helpful. I stayed at an APARC and we did mindfulness meditation to slow the mind and be thankful for breathing and such. Try smiling mind app. It cheers me up sometimes

[Former-Member]

I have had also medicine i took was too little and not holding me together or i needed change of meds as i had relapse on a change of medicine that did not work or if too much stress my medicine that was my baseline help started giving way. Consider yourself across these too and you are the priority