Lived Experience Forum

[ThirtyOne]

I have depression and PMDD. I have had a particularly rough 6 months, finally I dropped the 100 things I was trying to juggle and had a break down a little while back. I had no choice but to pull my head out of the sand and get some help. Which I found hard. Accepting my mental health issue has been a long tough road. I've suffered with depression since I was a small child. Managed to push it aside many times. As an adult I feel it's now affecting my physical health because I've never truly managed it.

I don't like to talk to most people about it, I feel that they don't understand and as much as they don't want too, they might look at me as weak or screwed up.

I let my guard down and tried to explain the way I think and feel when I'm at my worst to a friend, I want my loved ones to know mostly it's not them it's me.
In bad times I won't answer my phone, I don't text back, I wont go out I like to stay home where I feel safe I retreat into my cave so I can deal with things and just wait to come out the other side.

This well meaning friend made the comment 'Sounds like you just need a holiday and a little break'.
Really?
How does a person have a holiday away from their own brain I wonder?
Then I realised sometimes it's hard to relate to or understand something you have no experience in yourself. So I can't be upset with people who are trying.

I joined this forum yesterday and just wanted to say hello.

[dr-ev-md]

thats what my DOCTOR told me to do last week, despite me having no job because of depression, so dont be too hard on your friend. Ive just joined this forum recently and you can see my post under depression, we are all looking for answers, hopefully we can get some insight into whats happening to us from other peoples challenges. Not that Im an expert, but it was good to hear of sombody else that chooses not to answer the phone when the cloud decends.

[esprit]

Hi. I'm like you I've had depressive episodes since I was a teenager. All being triggered by life circumstances. I also go through times where I stay in my cave. Actually in one now . I don't think anyone truely understands until they have felt the feelings but most have good intentions. For me it's affected every relationship I've been in. I hope you have a supportive family who can cope with it. I've learnt it's something I need to manage rather than thinking I can make It ever truely go away. Good luck to you.

[ThirtyOne]

Thank you, I feel like I'm reaching the other side of this episode. I know my friends love me and I'm very lucky to have people who care. But no, no one can truly understand unless sadly they feel it too. I hope some light shines into the cave for you soon. i have a supportive family but sometimes (and it could just be my negativity at the time) they can be insensitive to how small comments can break me down a push me back into the bad place.
Example, I had anxiety one day about something I knew was completely silly but no matter what you try to rationalise with yourself in those moments it doesn't work. Someone made the comment, oh don't be a sook. It was an off the cuff remark from someone who would not intentionally hurt anyone, but for me I shut down I closed up and I didn't talk to anyone for days I just felt so stupid and judged. I'm ok now and I can look at it in hindsight rationally. But it gets very frustrating to have to even deal with this stuff, that everyone else around me doesn't have! That's life I know but at times, it sucks.

[Princessmolly]

Thirtyone i can yruly relate. I have stopped trying to reach out to friends family professionals because no one gets it. The last therapist i went to taught me "tapping". I am supposed to tap various parts of my body whilst chanting various things. What rubbish

[Former-Member]

Hi @ThirtyOne, 

welcome to the forums. I've been kicking around here since April this year. I can totally relate to what you wrote. In fact I think one of the hardest things for me, and it triggers a strong emotional response, is when the ones we care about can't seem to relate to anything we say and in fact question it. I think that the hardest one for me is when people close to me minimise everything. They have good intentions just trying to help you feel more normal but somehow for me it seems to tip me over a bit. 

My closest friend just admits upfront she doesn't get it and can't relate to it but then just listens to me when I need and offers practical support when I need. When I need people to relate to about mi stuff I come on here, it's waaaay easier to find that connection with someone experiencing something similar.

sending best wishes💜😊

[esprit]

Thank you. Best wishes for you too

[ThirtyOne]

@Princessmolly I'm sorry but your post made me laugh out loud!! How ridiculous it sounds. I think some Drs don't realise alternative treatments and things like mindfulness or 'tapping' whatever it is are all great but first we need to be in a place within ourselves where we have the ability, the patience the calmness or energy to even be able to give that stuff ago. My psych suggested mindfulness and at first I was so wound up and full of anger I just though yeah whatever, what a load of crap. But I tried, I researched it. And I'm definitely benefiting from it.
I've never heard of tapping lol but I know if my Dr told me that I would certain have been on the verge of tapping him, on the head!

[ThirtyOne]

Hi @Former-Member nice to hear from you!

I've never been interested in a forum but I heard the ad for this one and thought it would be good to be able to talk and listen to other people experiencing similar to feel like I fit in somewhere lol.

Like you I had a friend who through trying to make me feel like I am not crazy or alone, minimised what I'm going through. 'Oh well all feel like that sometimes' or the 'You just need to do this..' All it does is make me switch off and feel alone! Comments from others have set me back quite a few times.
They meant so well but all it does is make me feel unheard, and I just thought you know what I'm not talking to ppl about it anymore.

I questioned my own feelings and wondered if I was actually being weak or something.
But to hear all the stories on here, makes me realise i am definitely not alone, as cliché as that sounds.

I take comfort in knowing what's wrong with me and having a name for it, we all experience out Illnesses differently I know, but someone seems to always relate or understand.
it's helped me a lot over the past few days.

I'm very lucky to have a supportive husband who knows me so well that just hearing my voice lets him know where I'm at, and what I need.
Yes pactical advice and support is exactly what we need so thank God for the people who either get it or don't get it but are just there for us when we need them.

I'm so glad you have someone who tries to help xx ❤️

[Former-Member]

Thanks @ThirtyOne
I was trying to problem solve this a bit last night for me - Why do I react badly when someone doesn't get it? My reaction tends to be that I justify myself and dig myself into a hole I struggle to get out of. I do think that those responses of everyone does x really does make you question yourself and then you feel weak just as you said. From something that is said from someone who cares it often leads to such a big escalation and reaction from me that I end up on lifeline needing to keep myself safe. And how do you explain that to the person who would be terrified they had caused that reaction. So it is so curly, but you made me realise that perhaps I need to put boundaries on this with a few people somehow so I don't get tripped up so often on good intentions. Really glad you are finding the forums helpful. Looking forward to seeing you around on here 💜😊