Lived Experience Forum

[flatshift]

Hi guys,<br>I'm not sure how to word this/explain what's been going on in my head etc. it's difficult to word my thoughts/feelings. I've Been falling apart a lot in the last few weeks/months, mentally &amp; physically exhausted,to the extent where I cracked at work, and punched a hole through my office door 😞 which is something I've never done before. Nor am I proud of it! <br>I'm waiting to see the doctor, as the medication she subscribed to help me sleep, is making me so drowsy the next day, which I can't function nor is it safe to be at work in that state.<br><br>I've found myself drinking a lot more, (at home, not at work) which I'm fully aware of, it's not like it was pointed out to me, I know I'm drinking a lot more, and smoking more (cigarettes) and my mentality is "oh well, whatever". Which I've never been a heavy drinker, few hear and there, couple on the weekend etc. But I'm not eating much, it's all just a viscous cycle. <br>I've definitely hit that point of "I don't give a fuck" which isn't good to have but I'm not sure what else to do? Because I strive to get out of this hole, but something just pushes me back in. <br>I guess I'm lost within myself. <br>I haven't gone back to see my physiologist, money's been tight as always, try and get some funds aside and hopefully a morning off work. Apart from you guys on here &amp; my mrs, my physiologist is really the only other person I've spoken to about all of this.<br>Even typing this is bloody hard. It's one of those thing I struggle with. Opening up etc, it's just something I can't "process".<br><br>The thing that got me to write this was Chris Cornell's suicide 😞 such a tradedgy. I've always been a big sound garden/audioslave fan. I'm hoping writing this may help, even just take the edge off..

[Former-Member]

Hi @flatshift

I don't think we've 'met' before, so welcome to the forums and its nice to 'meet' you. Though im sorry that its because things are sounding so hard right now. You seem to have a high awareness of lots of things that are making things worse and its great that you have an appointment for the drs soon.

I find it really hard to 'talk' and be open. It's such a struggle, so I can relate. There are very few that i feel that i can be truly honest with and the vulnerability of that sends my anxiety sky high almost as much as some of the topics that i need to discuss. 

I also found the news of Chris Cornell quite difficult, we also had a local lad (early twenties) recently pass away to suicide that affected my work indirectly. its been around a lot lately in my life which is something i've struggled with. I'm glad that you were able to reach out on here. 

Has it helped to write it out on here?

Take care

[mudsum]

@flatshift Wow sound like you are really struggling. We can go through rough time and suicide, alcohol the fat cycle of don't feel good so don't eat, don't sleep etc is such a hard one.

It can be so exhausting and so hard to talk but i encourage you.

Well Done!!! bravo!!!! so glad you wrote here. ITs so important to get even just a little bit out but its hard work and i congratulate you. you have shown such strenght and bravery to do that.

I know its hard but if you are able chat to your doctor about a mental health plan. they can give up to ten session free for some support. would be really worth it. Dont give up yet! 

[kef]

Hang in there- great that you are using the forum as an outlet. Please don't feel alone, there are many people on here struggling and we can all share our burdens.