Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

hello @pip @Shaz51

Yes you are spot on. I do need to be assertive with my sister. I just know how vulnerable and fragile she is. She shows a very loving, caring side too. So I have ambivalent feelings.

I also feel as though I am the one holding everyone up at the moment. They are all frightened to death that I am totally going to lose the plot, go "mad" and they would not know how to cope. That would mean having to express feelings!! Whilst it might be good for me it would be devastating for too many. Domino effect.

I talk it out in my psychotherapy and work through it that way.

My oldest son detained, diagnosed paranoid schizophrenia oct 2016, ITO then CTO  then escaped state, missing persons, police found thought ok, report cancelled. son not accepting ill, very clever at hiding. no medication. will not tell his dad and I where he is. cut me off because i would not give any more money. dad has continued but is going to stop sooner than later as has given too much already. son changed phone no. does not respond to emails. so no contact for me. has only contacted dad when needed money.

I hope that he is safe, with trustworthy people and content with his new life. I pray that his illness does not deteriorate.I have spoken to psychiatric ward of public hospital in state he is in just incase he gets detained and has no ID for whatever reason. He stutters badly when extremely anxious and not on any medication.They have mine and his dad's phone no to ring us if this happens and we will go to him. I will not allow myself to think past that.

Today I have advocate visit to assist me with union who are supposed to be advocating for me re work issue.

Am over husband's family judging me and talking about me behind my back. keep that contained so does not become an issue between husband and self.

younger son close to me and very caring. I have helped him through his issues growing up with anger between his brother and dad. Feel that I have some success.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Former-Member - I havent had an opportunity to read all the posts here, only your first post. I can so relate. I often feel like you do (doing all the listening but not being listened to).  And I think this is emphasised more so for me when I have experienced tragedy, grief and loss - when I needed people the most then just to listen and no one is there, or half listens. Or worse are indifferent andjudges or just wants to know out of curiousity and gossips. I kept much to myself in real life - I may share something with my best friend and husband (but they don't usually handle it). So I just have to juggle it alone now.

I was told once most people only listen to a quarter of what is said. I am so frustrated by this I have given up even trying to talk - long ago. But like you I listen to every word. The only problem I have is that I don't have the time to read all posts here like I want to - to deeply listen to all on here. It's just impossible for me. But I so hear you and resonate with every word.

And please don't think you are consumed with self pity - losing a child to mental illness is horrific - losing a child in any way is and the grief can be overwhelming. Anyone would feel the same. For me it took some time to learn to move forward whilst carrying such grief and mental scars. Be kind to yourself for now.