Lived Experience Forum

[LostAngel]

Hi all writting again as my mind ticks over with multiple thoughts,woke up this morning after a strange dream which is now pretty common for me to have although this dream wasnt a bad dream,not a nightmare just strange,it seems to be that worries and fears are what I dream about,anyway this dream was about me being a mother to two children waking up in my room in the morning but not my normal room a differnet nice homely main bedroom of a home,nicely organised with 2 cots and baby nursery items spread throughout this main master bedroom,in the dream I wake up and there are 2 babies in 2 seperate cots I for some reason could tell by looking at there faces that they where both boys,1 barely a newborn,the other at least 9months or 18 months older than the newborn,In the dream I got out of bed and reached to pic them both up out there cots cradling them both somehow in my arms and the feeling was pure happiness seeing there faces looking at me ,they knew me,they felt safe loved and protected in my arms and I felt the same way pure love anyway in the dream I didnt bother dressing I was so entrhalled to hold both my boys in my arms that I stayed in my nightgown,dressing gown,stepped out of the main suite door and as I stepped out the door a lady who seemed to be my best friend who was helping me with the children while my husband was out at work I think anyway the the home I could tell was a very nice two storey home,well decorated,anyway this friend of mine asked me a question she said how will you feel or imagine how you will feel once you will have 6 children  I was shocked and surprised at her question but somehow knew that myself and husband would have a few more children after these two the question she asked was not a negative question it was more of a imagine how much more love I would feel and how much more happy Id be with even more children of my own as if to compliment me on being a mother and motherly towards my two boys,strange dream indeed,after I woke up this morning I had a banna muffin and two cups of tea for breakfast and found myself thinking about a few things one being I wish my parents could have had the chance to apologise to me my mother for rejecting me and expecting so much of me and my father for leaving me with responsibilities,also Ive been thinking about my future,personal life thoughts about what I want my future to look like and what my own expectations are with finding a man the choice is either find someone for short term or find someone to be with for long term its like we cant force anything in life least of all love we cant force the timing of things either,I feel as though the man Ive find is the right one,its only that the timing for both of us is not right,timing is so important,but who knows what the future holds,he may not be the right one either there could be another man in future who is better suited for not just the short term but also the long term as well,sometimes choices are hard to make but Im thankfull for time and space to think things through on my own without outside talk and noise from anyone else,Im thinking alot about future,and present and yes the past aswell,my counsellor has asked me to think about certain things,what my personal expectations are ect regarding dating,Im working out that as much as others have given advice,its my choices that will affect my life and future its alot to think about,in regards to my mothers rejection that has affected my self worth as a woman alot,to the point that these days I do tend to reject myself,deny my own emotional/practical needs as I dont feel valuable for others time and attention.

[LostAngel]

maybe the way I wish to fill my emotional void is to ultimately have a husband and family of my own and be a motherly mother towards my children,I long to be a wife and mother one day

[hellen]

it sounds like a very healing dream, maybe your mind is offering you the chance to let go of your parents not being perfect, because in fact you turned out pretty well. and there is hope for the future.

it just sounds like a very calm centred dream, where you know you will not pass on the mistakes your parents made.

on the other hand your waking thoughts seem like ruminations, when you're trapped in a thought and it's going round and round and running how you think about the world whether it's true or not.  i gave these thoughts all the time, i get completely hooked up in them, and anxious.... it's taken a long time for me to learn to identify them.

but one thing that helped me when too many big worries came, was that instead of trying to be consucious of everythIng and dealing with everything, including worrying about the future. let those thougHts go. let yourself just be in the moment, in tHe day, just breathe. this gives your mind time to let go, and just deal witH wHats in front of you. and your body to relax and just heal, not be drawn up in anxious knots.

i may be on the wrong track, maybe you aren't anxious at all. but if you are i hope the idea to just stop and breathe, and let your body and mind heal and deal with the small day to day stuff, instead of trying to manage all of those big issues like the future, and how you feel about what your parents did.... letting go of that can make it easier for your body to just, process it all in its own time. just breathe, be here, now. everything else will have its time.

this advice isn't something that meant anything to me until recently so i completely understand if it's not for you.

[LostAngel]

thank you @hellen yes I am an anxcious person unfortunetly but thank you for the advice,it could be a way of healing it definetley was more of a happy dream than a bad dream 

[hellen]

well welcome to the anxious club. i just find i need to give myself a treat, a good movie, good food, a day of silly with friends, whatever helps me turn off my brain and snuggle in... for one of my friends it's going to a run.