Lived Experience Forum

[outlander]

I don't know 😢

[Former-Member]

I'm here @outlander  if you want to talk. Otherwise I am here just to sit with you in companionable silence. Remember that you are a precious, worthy and valued young lady. Even if you and some others in your RL do not always see that.

Sherry 💕

[outlander]

I don't want to do it anymore.

[outlander]

I wish I could just run away. Somewhere I'm not me.

[Former-Member]

Oh dear @outlander  ... wouldn't it be nice to escape from ourselves once in a while!

I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better about yourself. But I suspect that everything good that I have to say about you, will likely fall on deaf ears in your current state of mind. Is that an accurate assessment, do you think?

Tell me what you're doing at this moment.

Sherry

[outlander]

It's more than running from myself. It's running from everyone and everything. It won't matter how much I change to be a better person I will still be outlander. I have wrecked pretty much everything in my life. I've had enough and I've had enough of ruining it for everyone else.

I'm literally just laying in bed. And talking here.

[Fancy_Pants]

Hi @outlander 

Im sorry to hear tonight is a hard night for you, thoughts like this can feel so invasive and overwhelming, its really great that your still talking 

Can I ask though is there anything that may help at the moment to move you even a little from these thoughts? anything you would try?

• Safe tv shows- bbt, mrs browns boys, 2 broke girls.
• Do some drawing, calligraphy or painting
• Pintrest
• Use my worry box and journal
• Listen to music
• Do some puzzles
• reathing exercises
• PMR  exercises

[outlander]

I suppose so @Fancy_Pants

[Former-Member]

Sounds like you are wanting to run away from your life in general.  @outlander 

I'm saddens me to hear you say that you have wrecked pretty much everything in your life.  And even more saddened by you saying that you are ruining everyone elses life as well.  I know that none of that is true!  Where would most of your family be ... without you?  Your Pop, your siblings, your Mum.  It seems to me that they all rely heavily on you.  And you always do whats right for them.  It really is time you started doing something thats right for you sweetie.

I honestly would love to see you relinquish your official carers responsibility for your Pop.  Even if its only for a few months or a year.  It would give you a chance to get on top of things, sort out your own wants and needs for a change.  If, after a reasonable amount of time, you decide to go back to being his carer ... then so be it.  These things can be done.  There are professional carers out there, people who accept only the carers payment as full payment for being someone's carer. Clearly your Pop qualifies medically for  a carer, as you are currently his official carer.  Therefore you, nor your Pop, would be out of pocket in needing to pay the carer. It would obviously mean that you would no longer be able to claim the carers payment for yourself, but you would become eligible to apply for other Government payments to offset the financial loss.   A carer can be live-in or live off-sight, depending on what works best for your Pop and on the carers personal situation. Free rental is a big plus for many people and a very attractive incentive to take on a carers role.

What do you think ... is it worth looking into?  Perhaps what you need is something different, a new direction.  Not being stuck caring for Pop and siblings every day.  It may help you get out of this hole you seem to be stuck in.  Do some research, check your facts and double check your Pops specific needs regarding a carer.  It really could be a good option for everyone to have this 3-12 month break for your normal routine and unending commitments.

Just a thought @outlander 

I've got hubby safely settled in bed now, and am off to bed myself.  I will check in with you again in the morning. Lets sleep on it aye?  Reassess in the morning.

Sherry  😴🌺

[outlander]

Thank you for being here @Sans911 @Former-Member @fancy-pants but maybe I should go. I don't want to waste anyone's time. You've all got much more to worry about and to cope with without my stuff