Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

We met later in life @Starta. We have been married now for 23 years. The best years of my life which I am so grateful for. Do you have someone there for you @Starta?

[Starta]

@Former-Member,

No, my sons are living in the city, I am in the central west, They have jobs and families to support, they stayed with me as much as they could..  23 years is also a long time to be together, ❤️. 

[Former-Member]

Hi @Starta - im glad you are here though so sorry to hear of your loss. I can only imagine how hard things are for you right now and know that there are some other members on the forums who have been through/going through deep grief. Here with you too.
Take care

[Starta]

@Former-Member

Thank you @Former-Member. 

Crying so much, it's empty here without him, we used to talk for hours of a night, we loved each other's company even after so long.m

[Former-Member]

Dear @Starta.  So terribly sorry for your immense loss.  I'm sorry I dont really have much I can say, other than that I feel for you.

Like @Former-Member, I too am nursing my husband through cancer.  He was diagnosed with Stage IV metastisized melanoma in October last year.  Its inoperable and incurable.  

I hope you find some solace by knowing that others here care and understand how you may be feeling after what has been a very traumatic time for you.  Nothing can really take away the pain you now feel.  But know that it will subside and sometime in the future, your thoughts of him will bring a smile rather than the tears you now express.  There is no easy path through grief, and everyone is different.

I'm glad to see that @Former-Member has come on board to offer support as well. Our community guides are a good bunch.  As are our moderators @Pebbles who help to keep us in check.  

Welcome to the Forums Starta, I hope the understanding and support you receive here will help you through a really difficult time.

Sherry 

[Starta]

@Former-Member

Thank you @Former-Member. It saddens me that your husband and you are going through what I went through. I am hesitant to speak or open up about how I am feeling because of your situation I do not want to inflict any pain on your already painful situation. . I have had major anxiety/depression/ptds, for over ten years, my husband understood and could understand my moods, since his passing my MH has done a spiral downhill and now my sweets hubby is gone, my thoughts are to join him. please know I am safe. 

[MoonGal]

Hello @Starta, I am so sorry for your deep loss and feelings of aloneness. Your managing your MI issues are all the harder when sunken in grief as well as your major anxiety/depression/ptsd, I can hear just what a great support your lovely husband was for you too with your day to day life, knowing your moods and the effects of your mental health issues. An incalculable loss and I send you strength and condolences. 

When my closest friend died in a car accident in 2008, I was devastated and finding everything too much - Anglicare had a bereavement counsellor and I was helped enormously both in practical suggestions and also psychologically. I wonder if there is a service near you in the central west that you could access or a phone service? This information page on Lifeline website has a little information about loss and grief and might be helpful for you to identify too that your devastation is natural, and all range of feelings are normal feelings after the loss of your husband - often though these stressful and terrible things exacerbate our MI and we might need a bit of extra care from our Prescribing doctors for a while too.

Lifeline is a 24 hr phone service 13 11 14 picking up the phone and reaching out when you are in pain can help share the load too. 

So glad you have found this warm and supportive community and hope you find solace and help with us and others. 

[Former-Member]

@Starta, thank you for your consideration, its much appreciated.

Incidentally I too suffer from PTSD, together with the depression and SI which often accompany's it. It's a condition I have battled for almost 22 years. As a result on an incident prior to meeting my husband.  Hubby and I celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary 2 months ago actually.  Unlike you however, my husband is neither aware nor supportive of my condition, so its something I confront on my own.  Unfortunately being alone is one of my triggers, so my husbands terminal illness is not sitting at all well with me.  Please know however, that I am okay to discuss your lonliness and sense of loss with you if it is helpful to you.  I would not have responded if I was not up to it.  Sometimes it helps just to release your feelings on paper (or computer screen in this case), to talk openly about it.  So you are doing the right thing.  It may also be beneficial for you to seek some grief counselling, if that is available to you?

Please stay safe.  You have other family members who also need you.

Sherry 

[Starta]

@Former-Member.

thank you.

this is the first time I have ever been on my own, I can honestly say the only nights we were separated was the birth of our 3 sons. We were still in love after so long. I still expect him to walk through the front door and hug me, I miss his hugs so much. I feel so vulnerable and scared about every tomorrow that's ahead. Just miss him so much the hurt is deep.

[Former-Member]

Yes of course @Starta, I am so very sorry for your deep hurt and both physical and emotional pain.  I hope you have someone nearby to help you with everyday functioning over the short term as you attempt to find your feet again?  What you are going through is a normal reaction to the intense pain of a deep loss.  Life will never be the same again, not without your lost love.  But life does go on, and it can again be a worthwhile and pleasurable existance.  But it will be different.  Give yourself time to process your loss, and to reassess all that you still have left in your life.  

Do you have pets, hobbies, good friends?  Its important that you try to get back into a routine as soon as you can.  If you used to do certain sports or hobbies on a certain day, try to get back to that.  If you used to take your dog for a walk each day, continue to do that.  Your loving memories of your husband will always be there.  Right now they are almost too painful to bear, but eventually they will be something for you to treasure.

Sherry 

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