Lived Experience Forum

[Overwhelmed21]

Hi there, I'm new and struggling.  I have anger that come up and takes over. I wonder if anyone else feels this. It's Really hard. I self medicate, alcohol,  then I lash out. I think it's childhood trauma.  I don't have relationships as I can't function.  Can someone chat to me?

[amber22]

Hey there @Overwhelmed21 

Welcome to the SANE Forums! My name is amber22 and I am a Peer Support Worker here at SANE. I really hope that you get the support and advice that you need right now from our lovely members. 

I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in how you're feeling and that I'm sitting with you. 

Sending hugs

[Overwhelmed21]

Thank you so much

[Oaktree]

Hi @Overwhelmed21 

what would you like to chat about. Sorry things are hard right now. Welcome to the forums 

Meggle

[Former-Member]

@Overwhelmed21 @Oaktree @amber22 hi at overwhelmed.

Congratulations on reaching out.

Also congratulations for acknowledging you have Volcanic Anger.

You say self medication, alcohol.

Have you been prescribed medication?

Whatever medication, is the alcohol affecting the self medication?

What has worked in the past?

Can you distance yourself from what makes you angry?

[Emergence]

Hi @Overwhelmed21 and welcome, I'm also new.

I can't remember any personal experiences with volcanic anger other than being on the receiving end of it from my biological father, before severing ties for my own sanity.

I went through an anger management course after assaulting an elderly woman - I got fed up with her verbally abusing me (and others) in my home and marched her out the door, which was enough.

Looking at my notes from the course, one thing I found helpful with examining my own behaviour was the framing they gave:

A - Activating Event. The thing that set you off

B - Beliefs. The thoughts and ideas you had before and during the event.

C - Consequences. What happened as a result of the actions that you and the other party/ies took.

Analysing what happened that way gave me a way of reflecting on my actions and considering some alternatives, like strategic withdrawal (walking away, asking for a time-out from the other person),  diplomacy, or respectful assertiveness (see below)

Another good framing the psychologist I was seeing at the time taught me was the difference between passiveness, aggressiveness, and assertiveness.

passive - taking the harassment without a response, or agreeing to minimise it (appeasement).

aggressive- lashing out in response, verbally, non-verbally, or with a physical attack or retribution.

assertive - Being able to express your feelings, thoughts, beliefs and opinions in an open manner that doesn't violate the rights of others.

All the best and remember you're never alone.

[Former-Member]

@Emergence   @Overwhelmed21   @Oaktree   @amber22 

Great reply Emergence.

Great details

Well done

[NatureLover]

Hi and welcome, it's good to have you here, @Overwhelmed21  🙂

I had anger like that as a result of childhood (actually lifelong) trauma. What helped me was talking it throuigh over years with a psychologist. She validated my trauma and listened to it all, and we talked it through. Also I had anger at the church (religious trauma syndrome) and talked that through with a spiritual counsellor of another denomination, who also validated my trauma and told me that should never have happened to me.

Nowadays I very rarely have anger thankfully. 

Can I ask if you have any professional support? Like a counsellor or psychologist?
 
An important SANE Forum tip is if you type @ and then click on a name in the drop-down box, that person will get a notification and won't miss your reply.

[NatureLover]

P.S. @Overwhelmed21  I've just seen on another thread and been reminded that you can call the Blue Knot Foundation, it's for adult survivors of childhood abuse. 1300 657 380, between 9am - 5pm Monday to Friday. Experienced trauma counsellors. 

Best wishes...

[Overwhelmed21]

@Former-Member to  almost myself down I drink, that's self medication for me. No never taken any medication.  My anger gets triggered.  It's flash point. I did hypnosis and it worked for a few years. Lately there's been much stress, a death and family friction.  

Thanks for your reply.  Appreciate it.