Lived Experience Forum

[Waldo]

My wife has a mental illness. I have been struggling for the past two years to get her help but the health professionals do not think that she has an illness. She has no insight and doesn't think she is ill. I have young children in her care and are at risk. I was imposed with an intervention order by the police after she attacked me and threatened to burn me. I told this to the police and mental experts by they didn't care. My wife is very psychotic, delusional and very paranoid. Her condition is getting worse. She now talks to herself and has said alot of weird things and is very delusional in her thinking and makes things up. I have pleaded with mental experts that she is not well. Even at first the police did not believe me when I told them that she is ill, but after she contacted the police on numerous occasions the police then started to  realise that she is not well and contacted the mental health triage to tell them that they believe that my wife has a mental illness. She has been assessed by the triage/CAT team and they cleared her and told me that her private psychiatrist cleared her as well. I told them that they are wrong and I want to speak to a manager to make a formal complaint. I was advised that they will call me but they ignored me and told me that there is nothing wrong with my wife. I have contacted numerous, seen her GP and other doctors and organisations but to no avail. Can someone please advise me what to do.

[Eden1919]

@Waldo  this is a hard thing to answer. on the one hand i do believe that psychiatric professionals do often get things worng but at the same time sometimes people can behave in certain ways and NOT be mentally ill even if it looks that way. for example abusive partners are often thought to be mentally ill however there is no diagnosis that actually fits with abusive behaviour and further more the people commiting the abuse are often fully aware of their actiaons and the consequences of them. now i am NOT saying your wife is abusive but i am just saying that there are things that can look like mental illness that arent when deeper investigations are carried out. however again professionals are human and can miss things but without knowing details which you dont have to share at all but i cant really say if you should pursue this line of action or how to go about doing it. still if possible you are always entitled to a second opinion and maybe seeing a different psychiatrist might be an option. if you have specific safety concerns for you are your children then that of course needs to be dealt with but if she isnt mentally ill then perhaps you need to look at other services to help you. still i dont know anything about the situation but perhaps speaking to an objective observer might be a good start. 

[greenpea]

@Waldo  Hi Waldo and welcome to the forum. Alot of people will not like what I have to say but I will say it anyway I think it is very hard being a man (I am presuming you are a man) whose partner is being threatening towards him. We have come along way with violence towards women (still a long way to go) but men who are abused seem to have been left behind. I am a mother of two young men and a daughter.

As far as I know you are doing all you can do which is to call the police when she is being violent towards you. Take notes of every encounter and what occured etc. keep in touch with doctors etc. Have you called the ambos when she has been 'psychotic'? You need witnesses otherwise it is he said she said.

The only other choice I can see is to leave but then there are the children who you feel are in danger with your spouse. This is a very difficult situation. I am going to tag @Former-Member  into the conversation as she has a good knowledge of a variety of organisations who may be able to help you find your way through this maze.

Wishing you luck and keep in touch with how you are going. greenpea

BTW I have schizoaffective disorder and was quite aggressive towards my ex when we were married (I cannot remember because I was so sick but my children have told me).  Now things are on the up and up With the right diagnosis, medications etc. miracles can happen so stay positive.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Waldo 

I have not had experience in relation to domestic violence but this might be a good starting place for you.

https://www.1800respect.org.au

[Waldo]

Thank you for your response, but I believe that if the police

[Waldo]

Thank you for the response. My wife definately without a doubt has a severe mental illness. She was previously referred to a psychiatrist but she refused to go. So I ended up going on my own. The psychiatrist told me that based on what I told her that she believed my wife has a mental illness and I definately agree with her opinion. The problem is the triage that I'm dealing are absolutely clueless when it comes to mental health. I did speak to a GP who knows my wife. He told me that even before I discussed anything with him about my wife's illness he knew that there was something going on and he has never assesed her. My wife had seen the GP for a different reason. My wife distanced herself from family and friends and is very suspicious of everything and the list goes on.  

[Waldo]

Thank you for the response. My wife attacked me last year due to her mental illness. I even reported this to the police who did nothing. I rang the ambos to come and take my wife but the police arrived and cancelled the ambos. I even told triage that she may harm kids like she attacked me. The lame response from triage was but that's different. I told them how is it different. Violence is violence. You say violence against women but because I'm a man its ok. It's never ok. What about my kids.  Then they put an intervention order on me. If the police did nothing then this org will do nothing also.

[Eden1919]

@Waldo  if you are mainly dealing with GP's then it is going to be hard. they are not always very experienced when it come to mental health and often miss things. also the crisis team isnt great either they can be nurses, social workers, or psychs but someone of them just arent good at their job either so it makes things difficult. i guess if anything happens just report it stright away particulalrly if something happens to your kids just call child services and report her then they will have to investigate. but i am not sure it is a difficult situation. 

[Waldo]

Sorry for the late reply. I was away. Thank you for your response. I've tried everything. I've already reported this to the police and rang the ambos and the police cancelled it. The police gave me an intervention order and I did not see my kids for about almost three months. I went to court and got it revoked and ever since I have not been living there because she attacked me previously. Im concerned for my kids. I've rang alot of organisation to help but they all failed me. The law in this country is nothing but a joke. They seem to help drug dealers and criminals that do the wrong thing but genuine people that suffer from mental illness they fail to ignore. I have already made a formal complaint with the triage who failed to do their job. I was accused of making things up when the evidence is there. Family and friends raised their concerns,letters were written ,DHS and child services were notified but still to no avail. I managed to see a different GP that can help because the family GP did nothing. He ended up referring her to a psychiatrist who then referred her to triage after seeing my wife swear at me and getting aggressive Infront of psychiatrist. The triage then informed me that both the psych and triage cleared her. I was very angry at them because they cannot see that she is unwell. Even the GP that referred her to the psychiatrist told me that even before you came and told me anything about your wife's illness he knew that she was not well. So hopefully I'm not going to worry about the triage who are absolutely clueless and I'm going to try and let the GP deal with this situation.