Lived Experience Forum

[Oaktree]

Tried to help daughter write an assignment for her uni course. Did most of the work myself. Now a day before she has to write her exam essay I found out that the structure was all wrong. We are supposed to structure the paragraphs as follows 

topic sentence 

explanation

evidence

link back into topic sentence 

I tried to sit down with her to help her work it out but she immediately started yelling at me so I left and told her to do it herself. It is her essay after all. However, she is too friggin lazy to even look at it and is going to put it back on me when she fails her exam. I just feel like screaming - I am so mad!

I went and asked her if she was working on it and I said "you know there are things wrong with it right?" but she still doesn't care. I don't know how to make her care either. I did the totally wrong thing and sent her a text telling her that if she was too friggin lazy to do the work when half the work was already done for her that she deserves to fail.

I am just so upset right now with her and myself. Wish I had an out!!!

Meggle

[bipolarbunny]

Hey @Oaktree I'm so sorry things are difficult with your daughter right now. I don't have kids so definitely have no good advice to offer here. But does she even want to be at Uni? Maybe a failure if she's not prepared to work hard for a passing grade might be a good life lesson for her? 

Sending you lots of hugs and good wishes my friend xx

BB 🐰💙

[AussieRecharger]

Hey @Oaktree 

That sounds like a frustrating scenario and i totally agree that as a parent we want the best for our kids. We want them to work hard and learn the value of good work and contributing to our communities success.  Are there any cultural influences that make you feel that success for you child is important?

Failure is an important part of learning, it helps us to understand unhealthy habits and where we have developed toxic relationships. 

Does her laziness give you an opportunity to develop any new skills or is this a chance to reflect on what's more important, your relationship or your daughter's mental wellbeing?  There is no point in forcing her to drink if she is not thirsty. 

I look forward to hearing how you resolve the issue. 

[Former-Member]

Hi @Oaktree  first thing that comes to mind is not whether she is being lazy or not, to me it is more what you stated "We" are suppose to structure the paragraphs....... As a parent it is good to help out and encourage but not to do the work for them. She is the one at uni, this is her assignment. Her exam. I am sure there is enough pressure already for her without mum getting at her, If she can't cope with it or maybe doesn't really want to be there it is her decision. Unfortunately as parents we can only be there for them.

[Lilaca]

Hi @Oaktree ,

University usually offers free counselling for students. Your daughter may find this helpful to work out her issues and set goals for her study. 

I don't think you should be doing the assignment for her, rather let her do it together with her friends so they can help each other out and push each other to their best.

I am currently studying too and have trouble juggling study, work with health issues. I do appreciate the friendship I have with my uni friends. 🙂