Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Booklover]

In my belief, and I am a chronic schizophrenic, there is no excuse for any kind of abuse. Unless one was indoctrinated at a young age, there is most likely a small part of the mind that knows what they are doing is wrong. If a partner, friend, carer is feeling at all unsafe or scared, they should leave. The illness may not be anyone’s fault, but how they behave is. There are other ways to deal with the unwanted emotions. To the partner, friend, carer…Do not feel bad for “abandoning” an abusive mentally ill person if they are not willing to seek help. Think of yourself first. The mental illness does not mean they are not human. And I think many mentally ill would prefer if they are treated like everyone else. I apologise if I sound harsh. Of course it will vary with different people, but abuse should never ever be tolerated. Allowed to run free, it may even escalate. Then what?

[tyme]

Hey @Booklover ,

True - there is no excuse for abuse. 

I hope you are okay. Feel free to email us on team@saneforums.org if there's anything you want to discuss further.

[myheartache]

Hi Booklover,

You are absolutely right. Safety of everyone must be paramount at all times. And you are right to say leave. And I would add before things get heated. If things look like they are getting emotionally charged take time out or leave. Have an exit plan. If you live with someone with BPD the boundaries for what is acceptable or safe behavior must be clearly laid down and adhered to.  If not things can escalate quickly.

Take care of yourself.

[tyme]

Hey @Booklover ,

How are you?

[Booklover]

Hi, thanks for your concern. 😀 I am okay. I have had 30 years of living with abuse of all kinds. So I’m somewhat passionate about offering my advice. I hate that other people suffer the same. If I can pass on my own experiences and help someone, it helps me as well. 
Again thanks. This website is a godsend. 😀

[tyme]

So good to hear from you @Booklover . I'm sure others will benefit from your experiences. Abuse is only too common unfortunately. I'm glad you are so passionate about supporting others.

[Member]

Hi @Booklover, I was on here looking for answers and saw this post that really hit me. My partner gaslights me and is an emotional abuser. I have only just come to realise this, with the help of a domestic violence counsellor (no physical abuse). I've always taken this behaviour towards me as just part of his mental illness (Bipolar, anxiety, depression PTSD, ADHD) and accepted it. I believed that it was my job to take his crap because he has an illness and needs an outlet. In my head he loves me and would never want to hurt me, it's the illness taking over. I'm now questioning this. Am I being unreasonable to think that he could control this? Your post has made me think that he could control it and it is not the mental illness (though I think it would be a contributing factor) but rather his personality. But then this doesn't feel right because how can someone who supposedly loves you treat you like that but have some control over it. I guess I've trained myself to believe that he wouldn't choose to be so hurtful towards me, it's the mental illness so I shouldn't take it to heart.