Lived Experience Forum

[Jlol]

I've gone to my GP (who told me to go to hospital).

I've gone to hospital (who said they couldn't help).

Psychologists and counsellors don't do anything.

Now what?

[Bow]

What is it that you need help with @Jlol ??

[Jlol]

My mental health. Depression/anxiety is destroying my life. It's getting very, very bad and out of control. It's scaring me.

[Former-Member]

Aside from professional help and medication, I have found meditation to be helpful. There is an app called 'Calm'. best $80 I have ever spent. It has helped my mood and my sleep

[Jlol]

Can't meditate at work...

[Emergence]

I have never used a crisis assessment and treatment team before, but I think it would have benefitted me when I was feeling the same way and going through the same symptoms (along with psychosis). It might be worth giving them a call to see if they can help, there will be a number for your state or territory here: https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/crisis-management

[Owlunar]

Hi @Jlol 

I'm sorry you are running into these obstacles - the Mental Health System is overwhelmed right now - so I hear you - you can't seem to get help.

So - some questions - 

Did your GP give you a letter when he sent you to the hospital? That would have been something at least - it would give the staff in the ED something to start with.

But then - there is private v. public systems - public is tough - you can keep trying different hospitals - and I get it - ED's are overwhelmed too - with patients needing urgent care with issues they can see and fix. Mental health problems are harder - it depends on who you speak to in the ED - it can take time the ED doesn't have - it takes a person with great compassion to understand your need. And - hey - that's not your fault.

There could be a problem with your presentation - and that is a hard road to follow - e.g.

If any person presents with loudly voiced despair some might think this is hysterics - over-reaction or attention seeking - and it sounds as if none of these fit your situation - 

Then - should a person speak calmly - that may be interpreted as not being that bad - depending again on that person's experience - again - not your fault.

I have chronic pain - and a lot of the same issues can present - I have learned to insist and persist with my insisting and persisting - it is exhausting - this I know well - I do have a good team now - still - naturally I will be confronted by a medical professional of some kind who doesn't "get it" - the world is full of them

It's not that no one cares - my assessment is that they don't have the time - and they are rushed off their feel - it is unkind and unfair to you - you deserve better.

I don't know what else to suggest except going back to your GP - and making a longer appointment - you can ask for a mental health plan - a lot depends on your place in either the private or public system - also your hip pocket - ff you are short on funds - that that can be a really disappointing journey

But keep on with your efforts to get help - and don't give up - and I know this is frustrating - 

I wish you the best

Owlunar

And yes - we care here

[justanotherguy]

@Jlol ,

Is it people/person that's causing the stress? Or circumstances? Is it possible to identify or is that too much right now? I've been overwhelmed before and it seems like everything at once.

[Jlol]

Hi @justanotherguy ,

Thanks for asking.

To be honest I think a good chunk of it is my partner. This is hard for me to talk/write about, but here goes.

She wants a baby. I don't. We're both in our late 30s so it's a now-or-never situation for her. I feel terrible about that.

There are a lot of problems in our relationship as is. She is often quite blunt and demeaning towards me in little, subtle ways. EG: if something in the house breaks I'm immediately a suspect and am interregated as to what I did. For example, a wine glass was chipped the other day. I was accused of breaking it even though I don't even drink wine. And it's not a throw away comments, it's a full on interrogation that will end up with something like "OK, so from now on do you promise to be extra careful with the wine glasses?". It's like I'm a child.

This incident alone would be nothing, but this happens with everything I do - cooking (she'll come in to see if I'm following the recipe correctly, or call out "that's been on the stove too long" from the other room), cleaning ("That was too quick. You can't have possible vacuumed the floors properly."), to driving ("Why did you take this route instead of that route?").

The questioning, accusations and lack of faith in my abilities is exhausting.

I don't think she does it on purpose to put me down, I think it's a control/anxiety thing for her. I cannot talk to her about it as she gets incredible defensive and huge argument erupts (I hate confrontation and am bad at arguing) and I get steamrolled. Once I fixed part of an old fence at our house without first consulting her and the argument got so bad it lasted about 5 hours and she throw a heavy glass salt shaker towards me (didn't hit) and drove off somewhere for a few more hours. All because I took the initiative to put a few nails in a fencepost to stop it from falling down and refused to apologies for it.

My self-esteem is shot. Whenever I try to do something myself or my way, it's questioned and criticised. Yet if I do nothing I'm lazy and uninvolved. I end up doing what she wants, her way, but wrongly.

Now, don't get me wrong. It's not all this, of course. She can be and often is sweet, caring and affectionate. It's just the frequency of issues like this that really makes me tense and on edge.

I feel I have no control over my life. And now, with this baby thing, I feel I have even less. If we do have a baby I will have no free time at all. Not to mention that my mental health is already terrible and having a child - with anyone - at this point in my life doesn't feel like a good idea. And that I don't think I want children anyway.

It's just all too much and I'm fed up with life, the universe and everything.

[justanotherguy]

@Jlol ,

Sorry, just reading it made me cringe. I have 0 time for that kind of thing. So many issues. I am no relationship guru but there's usually a dominant partner, I understand, but when one steamrolls but it causes a 5 hour argument that's bad. A 5 hour argument about something minor is pointless, but to her it wasn't pointless of course. Sounds like she has some crazy control issues going on. If your nerves are shot, having a kid will force you to deal with her for the rest of your life. Will having a kid calm her down? Will she weaponise the child against you? I'd probably say the latter. My mum did that to dad with us kids a bit, it was sad to be a part of. I think it would be even worse if your child was against you too.