Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[outlander]

ok so im always trying my best to keep up with everything and being a carer and trying to do all of it isnt easy as im sure you guys understand.

But one things thats getting me if my pops stubborness
its like anything I say goes in one ear and out the other and im not sure what to do except continue caring for him and when he makes himself worse well just keep on caring but up the responsibilities again.

He also seems to harm on about everything I do wrong. I dont ask for anything or for recognition but when im constantly put down or ignored then I ask myself why do I keep doing it
the reason it because I care but you get my point

Heres just a few examples

he whinges about anything I seem to cook- I try to cook good nutritous foods and still aloow him to have some treats like take a way once a fortnight or he loves dark chocolate so he has that as well

he doesnt listen to me – hes says its freezing of a morning and he complains its cold and I say ok pop you can you please put some some warmer clothes before you go outside- he likes to take a walk out to the mailbox of a morning even when its freezing but he doesnt lsiten to me and as his immune system isnt the best he does the colds and it knock him around a lot

he likes to try and help his freidns which I understand but I always tell him and he knows he cant lift things heavy ir bend over for too long because of his conditions and the pain he gets and it gets aggrivated in the cold and if he lifts anthing heavier than a light table chair. He keeps instising on lifting things and he keeps saying o I shouldnt have done that and I hear about it for the next 2 weeks

then theres my driving- if I even go over 1 k of the speed limit I hear for the rest of the trip. Im going to fast, you ned to expect the unexpected, did you see that car blah blah blah it never ends!

I care so much for him and all I want is is the best but its really frustrating when he only picks the things I do wrong and he doesnt listen to me

just really needed a rant and abit of advice would be good too please

@Faith-and-Hope@Determined@Anony18@soul @Smc@Former-Member@Shaz51@Former-Member@Former-Member @Former-Member

[Anony18]

I don't have a solution for you @outlander unfortunately. Caring for people is hard as is but caring for people who are stubborn is even harder and as I can see takes a toll. When it comes to human characteristic it is hard to change it unless they come to the realisation themselves. 

My uncle has had lots of tragedy in his past and appears quite bitter about things based on my mum. But he is so stubborn about it. My mum gets so frustrated with him however I said to her that unfortunately if he doesn't want to listen there isn't much you can do. I know I am stubborn at times, maybe most times. The only time it gets to me is that I realise it myself. I know it doesn't help but ranting is a good way to relieve those frustrations for sure. 

[Pebbles]

HI @outlander and @Anony18

That sounds like a challenging situation you have there with your Pop @outlander.

I can imagaine how hard it must be to try and remain calm, focused and in touch with your own needs when you are feeling overwhlmed by his words and actions. 

Sometimes when I'm feeling really tested I asked myself what is my life lesson here? It's usually around patience and acceptence  I'm not sure if that is true for you or if it speaks to you at all but it could be something to ponder over?

You are your number one @outlander do what you need to do to help you manage. We are hear and listening when you need. Vent away and take care of yourself   

[outlander]

thank you @Pebbles@Anony18

my pop has got a new trend now so great lol- not really

he has this thing for eating the most crunchiest chips possible in bed but instead of shaking them off or putting a towel down to catch the bits he drops he jsut lets them fall in the bed! gah- i have to at least change the bed sheets everyday or at least vaccum the bed casue he puts them everywhere!